"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos."
"He didn’t give you gay, did he? "
"Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems."
"A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice."
"When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun."
"I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman."
"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?"
Thank you Homer Simpson for your infinite wisdom.