Cheezy jokes.....lets hear em

[kastein]

a rope walks into a bar... bartender says "we don't serve your kind here, sorry"

rope walks back out... gets in a fight in the street, gets all snarled up and beat to hell, goes back into the bar

bartender says "hey weren't you just in here, we don't serve ropes here" rope says "no, I'm afraid not"

 

[GrimmJeeper]

selarep shipped my order...........

best one yet

 

[FlexdXJ]

Two guys walked into a bar........the third one ducked!

 

[XJKcali]

Hickory, Dickory, Dock,
Three mice ran up a clock,
The clock struck two,
and one escaped with minor injuries.

 

[bigdumbfun]

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds.

 

[90Blue_XJ]

The tensions of life were threatening to get a strangle hold on Bill, and after he'd finished a good dinner, he relaxed mindlessly in a soft chair next to the stereo, with a stiff drink in his hand. His wife knew nothing of his nervous state, and she climbed onto his lap with the thought of trying to wheedle a fur coat out of him, and snuggled and murmured and fondled.
"Good heavens, Ethel," he exploded, "get off of me! I get enough of this at the office."

 

[90Blue_XJ]

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve".

 

[90Blue_XJ]

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

 

[bigdumbfun]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[NorCalChris]

man. That was LOW :roflmao:

made you laugh though!!!!!!

 

[old_man]

A very elderly lady went to the doctor and leaned over and said to him that she had a problem. She said that she had terrible gas, but the good thing was that it was always silent and never stunk.

The doctor prescribed here some pills and sent her on her way. The next week she was back. She said, doctor, what did you do? My farts really stink now. The doctor said, now that we have your nose working, lets work on your hearing.

 

[XJKcali]

A guy is walking down the street with his girlfriend when they pass a fur store. "I'd sure look good in that mink, Honey" So he picks up a brick, breaks the window and gives her the fur. Further down the street they pass a jewelry store. " Those diamonds would sure look good with this fur, don't you think Honey?" So again he picks up a brick, breaks the window and gives her the diamonds. Later on they pass a Cadillac dealer. " Honey I'd sure look good in that Cadillac". He looks at her and shouts " Do I look like I'm made of bricks!"

 

[vigman]

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?

A: Their seeing eye dogs get nervous

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A golden retriever

A blonde was tired of all the jokes so she started dying her hair brown, and the jokes slowly stopped. One day as she was driving home an saw a shepherd watching over a flock of sheep, she pulls over and calls the shepherd over and asks "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shephaerd looks over his flock and says "Sure knock yourself out." So she looks out over the flock thinks for a minute and says "42." "Wow, Thats right!" The shepherd exclaimed, "Go ahead and grab one." So she climbs the fence retrieved one and started loading it in her car, when the shepherd stops her an calmly asks, "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

 

[vigman]

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?

A: Their seeing eye dogs get nervous

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A golden retriever

A blonde was tired of all the jokes so she started dying her hair brown, and the jokes slowly stopped. One day as she was driving home an saw a shepherd watching over a flock of sheep, she pulls over and calls the shepherd over and asks "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shephaerd looks over his flock and says "Sure knock yourself out." So she looks out over the flock thinks for a minute and says "42." "Wow, Thats right!" The shepherd exclaimed, "Go ahead and grab one." So she climbs the fence retrieved one and started loading it in her car, when the shepherd stops her an calmly asks, "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

 

[Original_MudButt]

A highway patrolman sees a car weaving in and out of it's lane. He pulls up alongside to check things out and sees a blonde knitting while steering with her knees....

He turns on his lights and yells, "Pull over!! Pull over!!"

She yells back, "No, it's a scarf!"

 

[drifto77]

If a tea cup is something you drink tea out of and a coffee cup is something you drink coffee out of........
Whats a Pee cup?


Something a Mexican drives to work.

 

[88 Wagonman]

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his coat. The bartender says I give up what's the steering wheel? The pirate says AAAARRR it's driving me nuts!!!

 

[dozer_xj]

What does a snail say when he gets a ride on a turtles back?

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!


A snail gets all beet up by two turtles. The cops show up and ask him what happend. Snail says" I dont know. It all happend so fast!"

 

[stewie]

i really dont see a difference between cuddling and holding someone down so they cant escape.

 

[stewie]

anyone wonder why its called a "wonder bra?"

cause when you take it off you wonder where they went!