Cheezy jokes.....lets hear em

[Curtis_H]

Don't know if any of you enjoy a cheezy joke like me but if you do lets hear em! I will start....


Do you know how they make holy water?



They boil the hell out of it....




Cheezy is good...

 

[xjkraut]

A guy goes to the doctor complaining that he's not sleeping well. The doctor asks "are you eating regularly?"
The guy says "well yeah I eat 3 times a day"
The doctor says "are you getting exercise?"
The guy says "I usually run 3 times a week."
The doctor asks "do you masturbate?"
The guy says "yeah"
The doctor says " Isn't it awesome?! High five!"

A bear sits down at the bar. The bartender says "what can i get you?" The bear sits there and stares at him, and after a long awkward silence the bear says "Ill have a beer" the bartender gives him a beer and says, "whats with the big paws?"

 

[98XJSport]

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts cost $1.75 and deer nuts are under a buck...

 

[wolfpackjeeper]

where did the General keep his Armies?




In his Sleevies ...

 

[joe_peters]

Obama will be elected President when pigs fly!

Swine Flu.

 

[DrMoab]

Remember when we had Reagan, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash?

Now we have Obama, no hope and no cash.

 

[vigman]

A mom comes home from work one day to find her son sitting on the stairs with a bag of jelly beans in one hand and the cat in the other, he ate a jelly bean bit the cat and moved down a step, the mother watched him do this 2 more times before she interupted him and asked what he was doing. To which he replied, "I'm playing trucker, popping pills, eating p***y, and moving on."

 

[Joshooha]

There are 2 peanuts sitting on a creekbed. A piece of poop comes swimming by and says: Its a beautiful day isn't it?

The 2 peanuts look at eachother and say: can you believe that shit?

 

[Texas Twitch]

An Aggie is walking through Campus one day, with a bunch of penguins following him. A campus cop stops him and says "Hey! Why are those penguins following you?" The Aggie replies "I don't know sir, they just showed up one day and haven't left me alone since!" So the Campus cop tells him "You need to take those penguins to the Zoo."

A few days later, the same cop sees the same Aggie driving through A&M campus in a convertible, top down, and all the penguins in the back seat wearing sunglasses. The cop pulls over the Aggie and says "Hey Aggie! I thought i told you to take those penguins to the Zoo!?"

So the Aggie said "I did! And we had so much fun that today we're going to the beach!"

 

[BenDiesel]

 

[Rod Knee]

First guy notices something in the second guy's pockets and asks: "whats that?"

Second guy says: "golf balls".

First guy responds: "Do they hurt? I had tennis elbow once and it was terribly painful."

 

[Rod Knee]

We had a motivational speaker came to our workplace. His name was Mr. Tapesas.

Boris Tapesas.

 

[96XJ_4.0]

What do you call nuts on a wall?
WALLNUTS

what do you call nuts on a chest?
CHESTNUTS

what do you call nuts in a chin?
MY CAK IN YOUR MOUTH.




There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"


(I'm a joo )

 

[bigdumbfun]

why was Tiggers head in the toilet?

he was looking for Pooh!

 

[bigdumbfun]

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think we care.

 

[ehall]

How to tell when you're woman is getting off?

Who cares

 

[ehall]

Did you hear about the combination taxidermist/veterinarian down the street?

Either way, you're getting the dog back

 

[4WDlifeform]

Oh man! Great thread!

My favorite:

A duck walks into a bar. Goes to the bartender and asks him, "Hey! you got any grapes?"
The bartender says "no, this is a bar. We don't have grapes."
The duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, and goes to the bartender, "Hey bartender, do you got any grapes!?"
Bartender says "No, i told you yesterday, we dont have grapes here!"
Duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, and finds the bartender, "Hey bartender, you got any grapes!?"
Bartender yells back "I told you twice now! we do not have grapes! If you come back again asking for grapes, I'm going to NAIL YOUR WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!!"
Duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, "Hey bartender, you got any nails!?"
Bartender says "no, I don't have any nails!"
Duck says, "Oh good! You got any grapes??"

:roflmao:

 

[JNickel101]

Oh man! Great thread!

My favorite:

A duck walks into a bar. Goes to the bartender and asks him, "Hey! you got any grapes?"
The bartender says "no, this is a bar. We don't have grapes."
The duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, and goes to the bartender, "Hey bartender, do you got any grapes!?"
Bartender says "No, i told you yesterday, we dont have grapes here!"
Duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, and finds the bartender, "Hey bartender, you got any grapes!?"
Bartender yells back "I told you twice now! we do not have grapes! If you come back again asking for grapes, I'm going to NAIL YOUR WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!!"
Duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back, "Hey bartender, you got any nails!?"
Bartender says "no, I don't have any nails!"
Duck says, "Oh good! You got any grapes??"

:roflmao:

You need to go to Youtube and look up "duck song" and "duck song 2" :cheers:


So this duck walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender says "holy shit, you're a talking duck!"
The duck says "yeah, what's the big deal? I had a hard day at work, thought I'd come in here and get a beer. Construction work sucks."
The bartender says "Construction huh? I'd have thought a man with your talents would be working in the Circus or something?"
The duck says "what the hell would a Circus want with a bricklayer?"


:roflmao:

 

[Cottontail]

Two flies are sitting on a pile of dog crap. One fly cuts a fart. The other fly turns to him and says, "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat."