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Cheezy jokes.....lets hear em

Question:

How do you keep ducks out of your yard?

Answer:

Put up goalposts.

(UO Ducks, get it?)
 
It's 1937. This man goes to the doctor for what we would call 'erectile disfunction' these days. After he explains the problem he tells the doctor that he is really embarassed about this and hasn't told his wife. He wants to know if there is anything he can do without her knowing. Now being the early 20th century, there is no blue pill or purple pill yet. The doc says, "The only remedy I can give you is to moisten the tip of your finger with your wife's...uh...essence...and then rub it under your nose".

The man is really desparate so later that night, after he is sure that she has been asleep for about an hour, he gives his finger a quick dip and rubs it under his nose. Sure enough he feels a stirring. So he tries it again with a bit more gusto. Real magic this time. It's as if he was nineteen all over again. He decides to do it one more time just to be sure and then gives her a shake on the shoulder to wake her up. She reaches over and turns on the bedside lamp. Looking at him she asks, "Did you wake me up just to tell me that you have a bloody nose?"
 
duck and chauvenistic jokes-AWESOME

blood joke-DIRTY....




what's the only thing worse than a male chauvenistic pig?


a bitch that wont do what she's told.
 
yeah, there's probably a reason i'm single...
 
a grasshopper sits down at a bar...bartender comes up to him and says "hey we've got a drink named after you"

grasshopper looks at him and says "why would you name a drink Bob?"
 
Some of these are great... some are pretty much den-worthy...

What do you call a dog with no legs?

You don't call 'im, he won't come
 
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea (No eye deer)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
 
Tiger Woods jokes, anyone?? haha

What is the difference between santa clause and tiger woods?

Santa clause stops at three ho's.


Why does Tiger Woods wear two condoms?

Incase he gets a hole-in-one.
 
how do you catch a unique rabbit?
....unique up on him!

how do you catch a tame rabbit?
...tame way silly!


...you said cheezy!!

BOB
 
One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route. At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, “What's your name?” “Patty” she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.
On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him “Special Ross.”
Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.
Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.
On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking... “Damn, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!” school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking... “Damn, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!”
 
Three guys go to hell and he devil makes a deal with them. He tells them that if they can hold their favorite fruit up their asses for 10 seconds they can go to heaven. The first guy has an apple and he makes it. The second guy has an orange and just as the 10 seconds are about to be up it pops out. The devil is like "What happened you almost made it." The guy is like "I just saw the last guy and he was holding a watermelon".
surprised.gif
 
how do you catch a unique rabbit?
....unique up on him!

how do you catch a tame rabbit?
...tame way silly!


...you said cheezy!!

BOB

haha!! alright... I got somethin cheezy.

PersonA: I was drivin on the highway last night, and a henway flew right past me!!
PersonB: Whats a henway??
PersonA: Oh, i dunno. About 8 or 9 pound maybe?

PersonA: I was sleeping just fine last night untill a matterbaby hit me.
PersonB: Whats a matterbaby?
PersonA: Nothin' baby, whats the matter with you!?

:lickout:
 
There are three kinds of people in this world... those that can count, and those that can't.

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions too.
 
The glass isn't half full or half empty. It's twice as big as it needs to be
 
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