Re: THe NAC Lots-O-Post Thread
When did Chris figure out Adam's password?
nah, if Chris made the post it would look like this:
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Radioactive Man, woke up in a swamp. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly pleased, Radioactive Man grabbed a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Fallout Boy was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... annoying. Radioactive Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Fallout Boy picked up to a very sad Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most venomous koalas grimace before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually scandalously belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because he had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only eight days prior. It was a eccentric little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Fallout Boy panicked. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Radioactive Man took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least four minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Fallout Boy would be scarcely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by seven clueless Care Bears that were lured by his diary. Fallout Boy cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aggressively reached for his dull pencil and fearlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Fallout Boy was stunned but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Fallout Boy charismatically purred. With a careful push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid social outcast in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat frighteningly close to where Fallout Boy had hidden the diary. Fallout Boy grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Fallout Boy noticed a clueless look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been eleven nanoseconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Fallout Boy groped earnestly in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' he rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little clueless, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored Radioactive Man's diary. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His homemade car and sputtered away with the fortitude of 153 South American hissing sloths running from a teensy pack of legless puppies. Radioactive Man tripped with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet rusty razor blade'). Radioactive Man was pleased. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few hand grenade-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.