New tires= upset wife. Why?

it's all about sorting through the priorities of the situation at hand. My trail rig/DD last year needing tires & minor love mutated into two more stock XJs, and a moderate but continual crapload of 'stuff', incl another car for her.

This go around we're fixin up our old house and moving back... what is what on that score is 99% her call. I just reel her in from exotica and obtusity once in a while.

Give & take... keeping things honest works for Karen & I.
 
Gawd, I can't believe I read the whole thing. :looney:

But, far be it from me to not say something. Relationships change, priorities change, how decisions are handled changes. Most likely, if you think you have it figured out, at some point it will change. Been married 31 years, and have gone through many changes......more like evolutions.

However, I have never had to ask my wife's permission to buy something that I wanted for myself or for the family. I also didn't put my families well being at risk through my decision, we either could do it or not. My wife and I have always had seperate spending money, out of my income, which we spend as we wish, and for many years she was at home with the kids and didn't work outside the home. I do the bills, always have, and keep track of what we can afford to do.

Now, with no more kids at home, she works and has her bank account, and since she has her own account, I finally opened my own account. She does as she wishes with her income, never needs to, and never does, ask me if she can spend or do something. I take a certain source of my income as my own, and do what I wish, never asking her about what I spend or do. On big items, we always discuss and agree, with considerable respect for the others desires (Jeep stuff is NEVER big items :))

Have we ever argued about money? In 31 years.....hell yes!

Has she ever been mad at me for something I bought? In 31 years.....hell yes! (How about a 24ft boat.....took me a long time to get past that one, now she admits it was a good thing)

Have I ever been mad at her about something she bought? In 31 years......hell yes!

I think that most of us end up doing what works for us, and that can change as we go along. However, I do feel sorry for those who have chosen to give their wives the final say in most of what they do. Excersize responsibility, and get some backbone.
 
Okie Terry said:
Just curious who out there has brought home a new set of tires, or something else of equal importance, only to recieve a less than pleasant reaction. :gonnablow
Click to expand...

BTW, here's a story for you (some of you know this one) :)

A number of years ago (before we had seperate bank accounts), I wanted a Warn hub kit for the D30 I ran at the time. Most places had them backordered, so I figured I'd stop at Rubicon Express on the way to the 'Con on an upcoming vacation trip to see if they had one in stock. We did, and RE had the hub kit, which I bought. Since I was on vacation, and had not deposited my paycheck, I used the VISA card rather than the ATM/debit card. Since I was out of town, the card is rarely used, and the amount was around $900, VISA called to confirm the card wasn't stolen.

While I was still standing at the counter at RE, my cell phone rings and it was my wife. I was glad to hear from her, since I'd already been gone five days on this trip. She immediately asked me what I was buying for $900, which threw me, and I started to stammer out about my driveline problems and that I needed the hub kit to fix the problem. She said, so you're spending money without telling me about it. I said that I had been saving up the money for it (mostly true). She said, so you have money that you're not telling me about. I knew I was toast, and there wasn't much more that I could say. I didn't catch on that she was just taking the opportunity to set me up. When I got home from that trip, we talked about it and she said it was going to cost me new den furniture. Now I understood her reaction........and I liked the new den furniture. She also liked the new furniture......and she really didn't care about the hub kit. :)
 
Rev Den said:
Not sure I would want to take advice on marriage from you.

:laugh2:

Rev
Click to expand...
It's called learning from your mistakes.
I had a situation kinda like Beezil's, two alphas. Unfortunately we weren't able to work out a situation like he has. She insisted on being boss and I like my nut sack right where it is. Made for 18 long and explosive years.
That's one reason why I have a hard time imagining a true 50/50 relationship working.
 
BTW, what's the record for thread length on NAXJA?
 
oh my! said:
then its not my attitude.

you descrbied something totally different.

you cannot make even the faintest correlation between me and your ex.
Click to expand...

My post you are referring to was done to save me some typing. Her attitude was the same as yours MINUS the most important part. Without that part it makes the person extremely self centered which she was and is. Until you posted that small part you sounded that way. One of the problems on internet and not being able to see the person and hear the tone.

Sarge
 
bgcntry72 said:
What is it now, $35?
Christ man, if you can't swing $35, then get the hell off the internet and mow a lawn or something.
Unreal.
:smoker:
Click to expand...

Ummm yeah, $35 is more than I can swing right now. 1 divorce, 5 teenage kids, newly remarried, 2 jobs and as much cash work as I can swing. Right now any cash goes into maintaining the work van, my bike (my main form of transpo), wifes car, my XJ my daughter drives, and trying to get a vehicle for the 16 yr old who otherwise I get to ferry back and forth to work. Plus my ex is most likely about to give the kids up and they come to me. So unless you know someone, don't make snap judgements bout their life. And I'm enjoying it in all honesty.

Sarge
 
kid4lyf said:
It's called learning from your mistakes.
I had a situation kinda like Beezil's, two alphas. Unfortunately we weren't able to work out a situation like he has. She insisted on being boss and I like my nut sack right where it is. Made for 18 long and explosive years.
That's one reason why I have a hard time imagining a true 50/50 relationship working.
Click to expand...



I had the same issues as you Brad. She wanted to be the boss, and no matter what she ruled the roost! I delt with it best I could, I took a job that required alot of traveling. I had my own money so I bought what I wanted when I wanted it.

We ended up splitting because it turned out she was phyco, beating the boys and such, I did not realize all that was going on because I was all ways gone.

Now I am in the perfect relationship, I do what I want, she dose what she wants, but neither of us do anything that is detrimental to US. We both know how much money is availible and we go from there. I buy tools and Jeep parts, she buys little furry animals and shot gun shells.(what a combination that is).
 
Hello everyone!

I'm sure you can tell by the name whose wife I am, but just in case, I belong to Okie Terry. I have read this post and felt a strong desire to put in my two cents. First of all, let's talk about what started this thread in the first place, the tires and the purse. Terry told me one day, "I need new tires for the jeep." To which I replied, "Okay, but you just bought new tires a year ago." The next day we went to eat dinner, and I said, "I need a new purse, let's go into that shop and look." I found one that I liked, and it just so happened it was the same brand as the last purse that I bought, TWO YEARS AGO! Once I find something I like, I tend to take care of it and keep it for long periods of time before getting a new one, unlike terry, who thinks you need to upgrade every year. Anyway, to go on, When I got the purse he was not happy that I had paid that much for it, at first, and he said, "I guess you like to spend that much on a purse for the same reason I like to buy new tires." And I said, "I guess so." So I go to sleep that night, and when I wake up, he is not home, so I call him and ask where everyone is, to which he replies, "I was tire shopping." So, he comes home with $1000.00 worth of new tires! The problem lies in the fact that he said he needed new tires, to which I reluctantly agreed, because he buys new tires ever year, but we never discussed when this purchase was to be made! I just wake up one day, and suprise! So how would you feel? He thought he was being clear just by saying he needed new tires before he went to Moab in Oct. I didn't realize he meant he needed them this month! What can I say, I was upset.

Now, for other topics discussed in this thread: What makes a good marriage? This is my opinion: I don't believe that a good marriage can always be 50/50. There are times when there does need to be a leader. The thing is, Terry and I have different things in our marriage that we are more in control of. There are things that I don't want to be responsible for, like paying the bills and balancing the check-book, and there are things I don't want him to be responsible for, like picking our daughter's clothes, if you see where I'm going with this. I'm not sure I do anymore.......but....There are things I don't want to be the boss about and I'm not, and there are things I want to be the boss about, AND I AM!

Now we can talk about money for a moment. I work full time on the weekends. I put in 40 hours in three days working the evening and night shift at the hospital. I am paid extremely well, so if I want to spend 100.00 on a purse, I am going to, if we can afford it. I make 4x's as much money as Terry, but that's not the point. If we can afford a large purchase and discuss and agree on it, then fine. There's not a problem. Sometime's I think, though, that Terry forgets that there are some things that need to be taken care of that are more important than his jeep. We Do Have Three Children! School is getting ready to start. You see my concern here? I think sometimes men forget about how much money it takes to buy school clothes and supplies!

I'm not here to gripe. I just wanted everyone to know that I am not a control freak! I am a logical person that thinks things should be put into prospective.

A good solid marriage is this: Always be willing to compromise! There are no if's, and's, or BUTT's, allowed! Someone is always giving and taking, no matter what you may think! Love is a mysterious thing. You find yourself constantly changing and growing, together, if your relationship is strong. You put up with things you never thought you would put up with from anyone! And even in the times when you think you just can't take the BS anymore, you know that you still love that person more than anything. That your life would not be complete without them, and that no else in the world could ever make you as complete as the person your with, that no one could ever know you as well....That is a good relationship. 50/50, 51/49, 80/20. Sometimes it takes any one of these combinations to make a good relationship work. The key lies in figuring out which situation calls for which solution, and sometimes it's just dumb luck that things work out okay. I can tell you guys this much....Terry may make me crazy to the point of no return sometimes, but my life would be nothing without him and my children. There is truly not a thing I want to change about the way we do things. We figure things out in our own special way. Most people don't understand why we do things the way we do, but that's okay, because we know. We know each other, and that's why we are always going to be able to work through the tough times, and realize when we have it good.

Thank you for letting me voice my opinion, and to Okie Terry I say, "I love you, Hun! Thanks for putting up with me!"

Anyone need a tissue?
 
Bottom line.....if it aint broke....don't fix it.
 
Wait a minute. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!
Nothing is over untill WE decide it's over!
Comon guys, just 13 more pages and the record is ours.
 
Last edited:
Okie Princess said:
Hello everyone!

I'm sure you can tell by the name whose wife I am, but just in case, I belong to Okie Terry. I have read this post and felt a strong desire to put in my two cents. First of all, let's talk about what started this thread in the first place, the tires and the purse. Terry told me one day, "I need new tires for the jeep." To which I replied, "Okay, but you just bought new tires a year ago." The next day we went to eat dinner, and I said, "I need a new purse, let's go into that shop and look." I found one that I liked, and it just so happened it was the same brand as the last purse that I bought, TWO YEARS AGO! Once I find something I like, I tend to take care of it and keep it for long periods of time before getting a new one, unlike terry, who thinks you need to upgrade every year. Anyway, to go on, When I got the purse he was not happy that I had paid that much for it, at first, and he said, "I guess you like to spend that much on a purse for the same reason I like to buy new tires." And I said, "I guess so." So I go to sleep that night, and when I wake up, he is not home, so I call him and ask where everyone is, to which he replies, "I was tire shopping." So, he comes home with $1000.00 worth of new tires! The problem lies in the fact that he said he needed new tires, to which I reluctantly agreed, because he buys new tires ever year, but we never discussed when this purchase was to be made! I just wake up one day, and suprise! So how would you feel? He thought he was being clear just by saying he needed new tires before he went to Moab in Oct. I didn't realize he meant he needed them this month! What can I say, I was upset.

Now, for other topics discussed in this thread: What makes a good marriage? This is my opinion: I don't believe that a good marriage can always be 50/50. There are times when there does need to be a leader. The thing is, Terry and I have different things in our marriage that we are more in control of. There are things that I don't want to be responsible for, like paying the bills and balancing the check-book, and there are things I don't want him to be responsible for, like picking our daughter's clothes, if you see where I'm going with this. I'm not sure I do anymore.......but....There are things I don't want to be the boss about and I'm not, and there are things I want to be the boss about, AND I AM!

Now we can talk about money for a moment. I work full time on the weekends. I put in 40 hours in three days working the evening and night shift at the hospital. I am paid extremely well, so if I want to spend 100.00 on a purse, I am going to, if we can afford it. I make 4x's as much money as Terry, but that's not the point. If we can afford a large purchase and discuss and agree on it, then fine. There's not a problem. Sometime's I think, though, that Terry forgets that there are some things that need to be taken care of that are more important than his jeep. We Do Have Three Children! School is getting ready to start. You see my concern here? I think sometimes men forget about how much money it takes to buy school clothes and supplies!

I'm not here to gripe. I just wanted everyone to know that I am not a control freak! I am a logical person that thinks things should be put into prospective.

A good solid marriage is this: Always be willing to compromise! There are no if's, and's, or BUTT's, allowed! Someone is always giving and taking, no matter what you may think! Love is a mysterious thing. You find yourself constantly changing and growing, together, if your relationship is strong. You put up with things you never thought you would put up with from anyone! And even in the times when you think you just can't take the BS anymore, you know that you still love that person more than anything. That your life would not be complete without them, and that no else in the world could ever make you as complete as the person your with, that no one could ever know you as well....That is a good relationship. 50/50, 51/49, 80/20. Sometimes it takes any one of these combinations to make a good relationship work. The key lies in figuring out which situation calls for which solution, and sometimes it's just dumb luck that things work out okay. I can tell you guys this much....Terry may make me crazy to the point of no return sometimes, but my life would be nothing without him and my children. There is truly not a thing I want to change about the way we do things. We figure things out in our own special way. Most people don't understand why we do things the way we do, but that's okay, because we know. We know each other, and that's why we are always going to be able to work through the tough times, and realize when we have it good.

Thank you for letting me voice my opinion, and to Okie Terry I say, "I love you, Hun! Thanks for putting up with me!"

Anyone need a tissue?
Click to expand...
I'm not reading all that shit........

but I will tell you this:

how do you feel about okie terry belonging to me?

everyone's got a bitch.
 
PhunkadelicXJ said:
How do you decide who the "leader" is?
That's crap.

Asking permission is ridiculous. Just live with in your means and all is good.

My hubby is going to be rich, he will work and bring home the bacon, I will stay at home and have lots of babies and he will give me money when I want it and he will STFU when I come home with a new $1000 purse that I will only use 3 or 4 times.
The seperate account thing definately will not work for me.
Click to expand...




To this post I must say: I used to say the same thing, but then reality set in,quickly. Rich men are few and far between, and I have dated some pretty well off men in my time, but I soon realized that some things are more important. I would love to stay home with my children and not have to bust my tail to pay the bills, but that is just not realistic for my situation. I think that every woman at some point, (maybe the beginning of pubery), thinks they are just going to stay home and raise lots of babies. Not offense intended here, but the way things are today, most families just can't make it on one income! As far as how much I spent on my purse, well, like I said, I will probably keep it for a couple of years and it will be the only purse I will use. I think you get what you pay for, and if you pay more than $50.00 for a purse, it better be darn good quality and last for a long time. That's my opinion.

Thanks for listening!
 
I went through the samething last summer when I got my tires. I was in the dog house pretty fast. You mean to tell me tires cost that much....and you used the AMEX...oh the roof almost came off the house. Not like she didn't know. I had a tire blow out on the PA turnpike and need to get a new set and she was with me when it happened. So we had sep. accounts and joint accounts. She does what she wants with here account and likewise with mine. Well that didn't work for very long so now back under one bank's roof. Though she has lightened up a bit after going to Paragon with me in April, she wants her own rock buggy or something along those lines. So i might win after all. But I till have parts sent to work so she doesn't know. The games we play. Juice
 
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