Life advice...

[ECKSJAY]

Ok, here is the deal.
I am no longer going to tell her to break up with her boyfriend.
I am no longer going to pursue romantic interests with her.
How ever I am going to remain friends with her.

And it seems like some of you feel like she is just stuck in a bad boyfriend rut. I dont feel like that was the case, her last two boyfriends were very nice upstanding people. They were the kind of guys you would let your sister date.
It just seems like this boyfriend really sucks compared to the others...

Fool.

 

[RichP]

Yup, Dexter has some good advice for sure..

 

[CherBear]

You forgot #4: You will continue to get all bent out of shape and stressed after every time she gets beat by him. In the back of your head you will always be wondering, were they right? Do I make the boyfriend jealous (seeing as to how I am interested in her romantically)? Is that part of the problem?
The same feelings you have right now regarding her and the situation will still be there. But you go ahead, have fun. Maybe one day her boyfriend will see one of your "flirty" lunches and fly off the handle and put her in the hospital.

Be careful.

I feel like what ever i do, i will feel like i am doing something wrong.

I can take your advice and stop seeing her, then i would feel like i abandoned a good friend.
Or I can continue getting myself involved, while getting myself deeper into this mess.

Logically, i cant justify either one.:wierd:

 

[souske]

If he's threatening you, you could probably say something to campus security or the police. I was friends with a girl who had a drug addicted, abusive boyfriend. I tried to convince her to leave him, tried to be the guy she could trust. hings were fairly intimate with us...nothing too far, but most people thought we were dating. It took him throwing her through a glass table before she finally left him. And guess what, she found another abusive drug addict to date and then eventually marry. And divorce. Shortly after the second guy, I cut her out, and I haven't missed her since. I found myself a girl who actually cared as much as the other one said she did, and the difference was night and day. Instead of constantly pining over some chick that you don't have a chance with, trying to figure ways to be with her, "Oh, if she could only see!" crap, I'm happily married to a woman who truly does think the world of me and I never look back.

Moral of the story? Quit chasing the stupid chick that likes getting beat up, find yourself a good woman, date her, and be happy.

Were can you find one of the good women you speak of? are they kept next to the unicorns?

Obviously you aren't staying out of this. Other than calling the cops when you are aware of a fight there is nothing you can do.

She will suck you deeper into this crazy situation.
She may come to you to save her.
She is not mentally/emotionally stable as she allows herself to be continually abused. She needs help but only she can help herself.
She is not mentally/emotionally available to enter a relationship with you until she gets counseling and develops some self esteem - which will take YEARS.

Run son....run for your life. She may ruin your life or worse - the boyfriend may end your life when you get involved....but it sounds like you are already involved....STAY AWAY...I speak from experience.

Wow looks like you heard my story...

Ok, here is the deal.
I am no longer going to tell her to break up with her boyfriend.
I am no longer going to pursue romantic interests with her.
How ever I am going to remain friends with her.

And it seems like some of you feel like she is just stuck in a bad boyfriend rut. I dont feel like that was the case, her last two boyfriends were very nice upstanding people. They were the kind of guys you would let your sister date.
It just seems like this boyfriend really sucks compared to the others...

Dude she obviosly likes shitheads, is that who you want to be? Run for the hills and dont look back. Its not worth messing up whatever you have going over some dumb woman. :skull1:

 

[CherBear]

Well what, do you all just want me to abandon one of my friends?

 

[AIbandit]

yup just pee in her butt first

 

[wheelinscott]

Well what, do you all just want me to abandon one of my friends?

its not abandoning your friend. its telling her that you are not going to stand back and watch her ruin her life. she will realize what she had when you leave. she is just taking advantage of the friendship. walk away and it will work itself out.

 

[Curtis_H]

You are only making this situation worse by staying in the picture. With you around she has some safe place to go and regroup, to reinforce her feelings that this guy is wrong and she is right. With this kind of situation, that only calms her down and gets her ready for another round with this douchebag. She feeds off of the attention from both sides. Leave her to handle this on her own! She will only handle this situation when she feels she has no other alternative. As long as you are around she can have the best of both worlds. You do NOT want a relationship with this woman given the situation. She will always expect you to kiss her ass and make her feel better because that is what she is used to you doing. Once this other guy is out of the picture and she can focus all of her attention on you in a normal relationship she will soon see that you are a normal man and won't always do what she expects, you will no longer be the white knight and she will be done with you too. Just leave her alone, it's the best thing for the both of you!

 

[Brad M.]

Well what, do you all just want me to abandon one of my friends?

Dude, honestly? Who gives a rats ass what anyone on this board thinks. Make a decision and move forward. Fish or cut bait man!

 

[AIbandit]

I think it's funny he's asking what he should do about a female not taking his advice because she doubts him.
Yet there's 48 replies here most of which saying cut sling load and he continues to ask if he should.
Essentially making him just like that female.

 

[CherBear]

I think it's funny he's asking what he should do about a female not taking his advice because she doubts him.
Yet there's 48 replies here most of which saying cut sling load and he continues to ask if he should.
Essentially making him just like that female.

Touche...

Here is my revised plan.
Im not going to go out of my way to not see her/talk to her. We have lots of mutual friends, so thats kind of inevitable.
But i am going to try to get out her life so to speak. Such as not going to lunch with her ect.

I realize that the majority of you are older and more wise than myself, so your advice has some real experience backing it.

I appreciate your help guys.

 

[Darky]

Make sure she knows that you just don't can't continue to watch this trainwreck. If she sees that you are willing to walk away from her to avoid having to see all this, maybe she'll figure out that things are worse than she wants to believe and leave him. Then you just have to decide if she really does like you or if she was just using you like some have said here.

 

[Coastie]

I realize that the majority of you are older and more wise than myself, so your advice has some real experience backing it.

I appreciate your help guys.

I'm 22 and was the first one to tell you to get out, choice determines how wise you are not always age.

 

[muduck18]

Were can you find one of the good women you speak of? are they kept next to the unicorns?

No, they hide in churches, and christian schools...

Touche...

Here is my revised plan.
Im not going to go out of my way to not see her/talk to her. We have lots of mutual friends, so thats kind of inevitable.
But i am going to try to get out her life so to speak. Such as not going to lunch with her ect.

I realize that the majority of you are older and more wise than myself, so your advice has some real experience backing it.

I appreciate your help guys.

I think that would be a smart move.
If she asks if you are avoiding her tell her yes, and why.
IMHO honesty is the best policy if you think she is being a douche for dating the Douche bag. Tell her as a friend, and like the rest of these guys said. Walk away.

 

[Darky]

Souske - I found me a good one, married her 5 and a half yrs ago. They're out there, you just have to know how to look.

A lot of people think with the wrong head, IMO. I know I did when I was younger. Up til about 21-22. That's how I got sucked into a very similar game to what CherBear is in. That experience taught me the value of being smart about choosing a woman. Don't just pick the one you want to sleep with, sleep with her and then decide to be serious with each other. If a relationship's basis is in the physical, then it'll be awfully hard to weather the storms or to see clearly. We built our relationship for quite some time (by today's standards at least) before we let any of the extras get involved. We were married a year after meeting. Engaged 6 months before that. We didn't get into any of the sexual side until after we were engaged.

 

[Coastie]

No, they hide in churches, and christian schools...

First time I ever received oral sex was in the back of a church van from get this... two very nice church going girls.

It was a hey lets both try it kinda thing.

 

[avnsteve]

Touche...
Here is my revised plan.
Im not going to go out of my way to not see her/talk to her. We have lots of mutual friends, so thats kind of inevitable.
But i am going to try to get out her life so to speak. Such as not going to lunch with her ect.
I realize that the majority of you are older and more wise than myself, so your advice has some real experience backing it.
I appreciate your help guys.

ok, I read this entire thread and have something to offer you:

You are a TOOL. That's not an insult, that's how this girl you speak about is using you. Your involvement is what she wants, using you to get reaction from the other dude, and just a thrill to see how high you'll jump for her, there's HUGE dysfunction there. Don't be a TOOLl, don't have an Aaron Tippin Moment taking a stand for something. No FRIEND would drag you into their mess, in her eyes, it does not appear to me, that she see's you as a friend, just a TOOL, to work her dysfunction. Wash your hands of the whole thing

 

[four_shot]

Touche...

Here is my revised plan.
Im not going to go out of my way to not see her/talk to her. We have lots of mutual friends, so thats kind of inevitable.
But i am going to try to get out her life so to speak. Such as not going to lunch with her ect.

I realize that the majority of you are older and more wise than myself, so your advice has some real experience backing it.

I appreciate your help guys.

sounds like your starting to get the right idea. remember, she needs to help herself. all you can do is pray/hope (depending on your religious preference) that she figures it out. play it smart and safe.

good luck.

 

[bigalpha]

sounds like your starting to get the right idea. remember, she needs to help herself. all you can do is pray/hope (depending on your religious preference) that she figures it out. play it smart and safe.

good luck.

x2.

 

[CherBear]

As of now, she refuses to talk to me. So in a way, mission accomplished?