I need some personal help guys

[kdailey4315]

My brother is 25 and is ruing his life with alcohol and we think he might be on drugs as well. He makes a lot of money but never has any. He was evicted from his last apartment for not paying rent. He just almost got fired from his job for not paying union dues. Alcohol killed our father (the greatest man my brother and I ever knew) and destroyed his family and we see the same thing happening to my brother. My sister and I want to talk to him but we have no idea what to say. Any help and ideas are greatly appreciated.

 

[ECKSJAY]

Talk with the rest of the family and find a specialist to spearhead an intervention. That will at least give you guys closure if he decides not to change things. It's up to him and he needs to have a clear head about it.

For the record, I've never taken part in any interventions but know many who have had them work. Good luck to you guys.

 

[poorboy_616]

X2!

The ultimate decision to get help will have to be his own. If it isn't, it will probably backfire.

Good luck!

 

[buschwhaked]

My little brother did the same thing, though he was about 8 years younger than your brother when it happened. Alcohol, heroine, cocaine, and a few others. I was the one that drove him to the rehab center. The whole situation sucks. But with him being a minor, thankfully my parents could sign him over. The thing is, it nothing you can do or say will make a difference until he hits rock bottom. Forcing my brother to go to rehab gave him the tools he needed but he didn't internalize them until later. Unless he becomes a danger to himself or others there isn't much you can do. That being said, there are a few things:

1) Be there for him to talk to

2) If he is distancing himself, check in on him but don't force it

3) DO NOT ENABLE HIM!!! (I'll explain that in a minute)

4) And when he does hit rock bottom and finally asks for help, don't stop helping.

Enabling is a big deal. It can be as small as giving him a ride to a friends house or borrowing a few bucks in cash. It can be a couch to crash on or even some food to eat. Sounds harsh, but until he realizes he can't make it through this issue on his own, no real progress will ever be made.

Going with him fishing, wheeling, or to a game isn't a big deal. Don't cut yourself off. But don't offer a lending hand even if he seems like he's about to ask for it.

But in the end, if it does become a problem to the point he's a danger, contact your local AA and they can be really helpful.

 

[buschwhaked]

Oh, and his struggle will never stop. It's a lifetime...

 

[Bent]

Until he hits his bottom and then wants to get clean more than anything else, there is not a damn thing anyone can do. Sorry, really I am; but that's the way it is. Look for an Al-anon meeting in your area for you and your sister. BTW, Alcohol is a drug.

 

[GSequoia]

Pretty much what Bent said, an addict will never be clean until he/she wants to be clean. You're going to need to just be there, let him know what shit doesn't work around you, and do not ever give / lend him money.

I know substance abuse, it runs in my family quite a bit.

Well, gotta go hit the crack pipe, later on!

Sequoia

 

[bcmaxx]

Kinda going through the same think right now with my dad. My grandfather was a wicked drunk, used to beat my grandma, ended up most always sobering up in jail after his benders. My father for as long as I can remember drank beer, never really got carried away. In the last ten or so years since us boys moved out he has got out of control, to the point of non stop tremors,drink the hangover off (yes even at 6 in the morning) And more recently has become addicted to small bottles of fireball whiskey,which is really doing him in. He was actually able to completely quit drinking from june 13th until a couple weeks ago. It started again with a beer or two and progressed back to the whiskey. Now he is full blown back being drunk again. I don't know why but he tries to hide the whiskey from my mother, she finds half drinken bottles everywhere "stashed away". When he is sober his is the most happy, loving, lets get things done type of guy. When he's drunk he becomes short fused,loud,obnoxious,rambles on,makes false plans,and simply gets nothing done. My brother, mother and I ,are trying to decide what to do next. It's hard us living in a different town as well,we don't see the half of it.

All I can recommend is read,read,read up on addiction, seek councilling or a professional in the field, and there are online forums you can sign up with , for some help from other people that may have had to deal with a similar situation. Good Luck

 

[Deadman 94 xj]

Well, I'm in the same boat and have been for a long long time. My father was a wicked drunk as well and still is. His flavor was beer and he drank every night untill he passed out on the floor. You could have set a clock by it.
At the age of 15 (my brother & sister were 13 and 4) my mother decided that she had enough of his shit and left him a note while he was at work. By the time he came home we were on a flight half way accross the country.
To any of you drunks out there, this may seem a bit extreme but he would have killed her if he knew she was leaving him.

Well it's been about 15 years and I talk to him about every 3 years or so. I can usually hear the ice in the glass on the other end of the line. He'll call shitfaced, I'll tell him off, and we'll end up talking a few years later.
This is fine for me and I've had a long time to get over it. I feel that you can't choose your family and you learn to accept them for what they are and not expect too much. After all, I was a big part of my mothers decision to leave in the first place. I pretty much told her to.
Now to the point. My brother is the splitting image of him. He drinks, depends on women for his well being, and is always in and out of jail. He has 3 DUIs and has never even had a drivers license. Not to mention the wonderful nephews I now have in my family that he does not make an attempt to take care of.
My family and I have both taken him in to try and "change" his ways and each time he chooses to hang with the pieces of shit that think he's some sort of hero.
The problem with him is he has no rock bottom or I sure can't imagine what it would be. He's been there many of times and some how keeps finding new "girl friends" to mooch off of. He's an idiot by nature so the ability to " see the light" is out. He intimidates women to get what he wants and has no guilt for what he does.
The thing that gets me the most is he will sit there and tell you straight to your face everything you want to hear and go right back out and do the opposite. I've beat the living piss out of him on numerous occations and beilve me it does nothing.
The latest news is he just got out of jail after two years and is in some housing program. Nobody in my family including my self talks to him at all. I don't even know how to get ahold of him if I wanted to. I like it that way.
My mother no longer has to lay awake at night and the constibles are no longer knocking on her door looking for him even though he didn't live there in the first place.

The only thing I can say is they have to want to change. If hitting rock bottom is the only way than let it happen. The problem with that is that it often takes a very long time. Sometimes a life time.