Mutant_Xj
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Susquehanna Valley
My wife likes talking to me during sex. Last week she even called me from the hotel.
-
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SNAP!
- Thread starter toyotawrench
- Start date
GrimmJeeper
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Gardena, CA
guy walks into a bar, and hears this beautiful piano music. he looks around and sees no piano player, not even any speakers in the bar. confused, he walks up to the bartender and says "hey buddy, whats with the music? where is it coming from?" the bartender looks around, and says "well, there is this guy at the end of the bar. He says he is a Genie, has all kinds of powers and shit, but i gotta warn ya, he is REALLY drunk. he'll grant you a wish if you buy him a drink, but be careful, he's hammered."
so the guy walks up to the Genie at the end of the bar, and says "hey gimme a round of whatever this guy is drinking". he does the shot, and says to the Genie "hey man, i would love a million bucks". so the Genie laughs and says "your wish is my command hahahah" and suddenly a million male deer pile up inside the bar. the guy walks back up to the bartender and says "man you weren't kidding, that Genie is really drunk".
the bartender looks at him, and pulls a small box out from under the bar. he opens the lid and inside is a tiny man playing a tiny piano. the bartender says "do you really think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
so the guy walks up to the Genie at the end of the bar, and says "hey gimme a round of whatever this guy is drinking". he does the shot, and says to the Genie "hey man, i would love a million bucks". so the Genie laughs and says "your wish is my command hahahah" and suddenly a million male deer pile up inside the bar. the guy walks back up to the bartender and says "man you weren't kidding, that Genie is really drunk".
the bartender looks at him, and pulls a small box out from under the bar. he opens the lid and inside is a tiny man playing a tiny piano. the bartender says "do you really think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
5-90
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Hammerspace
"My doctor gave me the thumbs-up. It was extremely painful!"
"My wife likes to wear sexy underwear. Or so I hear..."
"My secretary has a crush on me. His name is Steve!"
"My son has his own place... he's in prison!"
"Talked to a sexy girl to-day... for four ninety-five per minute!"
These two college kids walk into a rooftop bar, and see a guy sitting there at the bar. He's morose and very obviously drunk. And getting drunker.
After a few minutes, the guy stands up. Announcing loudly that, "I can't take it anymore!" he runs to edge of the roof and throws himself off. The two kids look over the edge as the guy plummets to the ground - just as he's about to splash; he stops, rights himself, and lands - light as a feather.
He comes back up and continues drinking, as the two kids watch in amazement.
After about forty-five minutes, the crowd has pretty well changed - and the man at the bar repeats his performance! The kids are getting puzzled, and the guy comes back up and starts drinking again. This time, they noticed a grate in the sidewalk right where he landed...
Give it another hour or so, and the crowd has changed again. The guy repeats the performance - again. He heads back into the building while the two kids are just staring at each other.
When the guy comes back up, the kids go over to buy him a drink and ask him how he does it.
"You saw where I landed, right? That grate? It's a ventilation grate. There's a powerful updraft there, and if you catch it right, you can stop before you hit the ground, right yourself and float to your feet."
Well, the kids have done bungee-jumping, cliffdiving, skydiving - they're into adrenaline sports. You don't have to tell them twice - they both run to the edge of the building and hurl themselves off.
Pretty much the whole bar is watching as they plummet to the ground, panic just before they hit, and hit the grate near terminal velocity with the appropriate "cheese-grater" effect (yech.)
Shaking his head, the bartender grabs the kids' glasses, dumps them, and puts them in the sink. As he's wiping up the drink rings on the bar, he look as the guy and sez, "You can be a real ***hole when you're drunk, you know that, Superman?"
"My wife likes to wear sexy underwear. Or so I hear..."
"My secretary has a crush on me. His name is Steve!"
"My son has his own place... he's in prison!"
"Talked to a sexy girl to-day... for four ninety-five per minute!"
These two college kids walk into a rooftop bar, and see a guy sitting there at the bar. He's morose and very obviously drunk. And getting drunker.
After a few minutes, the guy stands up. Announcing loudly that, "I can't take it anymore!" he runs to edge of the roof and throws himself off. The two kids look over the edge as the guy plummets to the ground - just as he's about to splash; he stops, rights himself, and lands - light as a feather.
He comes back up and continues drinking, as the two kids watch in amazement.
After about forty-five minutes, the crowd has pretty well changed - and the man at the bar repeats his performance! The kids are getting puzzled, and the guy comes back up and starts drinking again. This time, they noticed a grate in the sidewalk right where he landed...
Give it another hour or so, and the crowd has changed again. The guy repeats the performance - again. He heads back into the building while the two kids are just staring at each other.
When the guy comes back up, the kids go over to buy him a drink and ask him how he does it.
"You saw where I landed, right? That grate? It's a ventilation grate. There's a powerful updraft there, and if you catch it right, you can stop before you hit the ground, right yourself and float to your feet."
Well, the kids have done bungee-jumping, cliffdiving, skydiving - they're into adrenaline sports. You don't have to tell them twice - they both run to the edge of the building and hurl themselves off.
Pretty much the whole bar is watching as they plummet to the ground, panic just before they hit, and hit the grate near terminal velocity with the appropriate "cheese-grater" effect (yech.)
Shaking his head, the bartender grabs the kids' glasses, dumps them, and puts them in the sink. As he's wiping up the drink rings on the bar, he look as the guy and sez, "You can be a real ***hole when you're drunk, you know that, Superman?"
toyotawrench
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- anaheim ca
I think the best so far... They can't eat it thats epic...
5150xj
NAXJA Member # 1215
- Location
- Mentone, So Cal
5-90
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Hammerspace
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony?
It's not hard.
It's not hard.
boostamante
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- los angeles california
Ha! That's the clean eddie murphy joke his stand up in the 80's. He use to be funny.
I got some icecream, you aint got no icecream.....
silverslk
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Garbage Grove, CA
Girls night out...
two girls decide that they are going to the bar down the street for a girls night out, but decide that they are going to walk instead of drive for obvious reasons.
after a night of drinkin' they decide that they are going to walk home
on there journey home they walk past a grave yard and one of the girls decides she has to piss so she goes up behind one of the head stones and handles her bizz, finds some roses peddles to clean her self with and and throws them away, the other lady decides that,that is not a bad idea so she does the same and removes her panties, cleans her self with them and throws them away.
the next day one husband calls the other husband and says "hey man this s**t has to come to an end, my wife came home last night with no panties. The other husband replies that aint s**t man MY wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said "From all of us down at the fire station you will never be forgotten"
two girls decide that they are going to the bar down the street for a girls night out, but decide that they are going to walk instead of drive for obvious reasons.
after a night of drinkin' they decide that they are going to walk home
on there journey home they walk past a grave yard and one of the girls decides she has to piss so she goes up behind one of the head stones and handles her bizz, finds some roses peddles to clean her self with and and throws them away, the other lady decides that,that is not a bad idea so she does the same and removes her panties, cleans her self with them and throws them away.
the next day one husband calls the other husband and says "hey man this s**t has to come to an end, my wife came home last night with no panties. The other husband replies that aint s**t man MY wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said "From all of us down at the fire station you will never be forgotten"
mikeam7750
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Apple Valley, CA
1+you+4+4+1=:doh:
GrimmJeeper
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Gardena, CA
haha i never said i was good at math
mikeam7750
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Apple Valley, CA
uke: women don't go to the gynocologist because they are HOT-N-READY
RobertF
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Santa Barbara
Blonde calls her boyfriend up to come help her assemble a puzzle.
He arrives, and she tells him it's really challenging, supposed to be a rooster.
He looks at the box and pieces spread out on the table and says
"Ok, put the flakes back in the box"
He arrives, and she tells him it's really challenging, supposed to be a rooster.
He looks at the box and pieces spread out on the table and says
"Ok, put the flakes back in the box"
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