Well, to start off, I applaud you for acknowledging the faults in your design. Most guys who fab long arms etc. on here just post some pics of something that obviously has some revision needed, but you never hear from them again. So props on that for sure.
With a wishbone setup you will NEVER be bumpsteer-free with a mechanical steering linkage, unless you configure the steering like the older push/pull Chevy front ends. And if you do that then your steering will become the limit to your articulation very quickly.
So why are you so opposed to running a panhard in the front? A well-thought-out 3-link front with a panhard (no wishbone, just three straight links and a trackbar) will experience no binding at all during flex, and will also be totally compatible with a mechanical linkage. For what you're running as far as tires and terrain, full hydro steering is a really expensive bandaid at best. If you're going to swap a new axle under it anyway, definitely give some though towards a more traditional front-end design.
The problem that you're having with the heims is that right now, ALL of the side loading from the axle (turning, steering, off-camber, etc) is being handled by that single heim joint. And heims are designed to be loaded almost entirely in an axial direction. The way you're loading that joint is placing the whole load on the shank, which can lead to fatigue and failure as you've seen already. Plus your articulation is limited to the range of movement of that single joint, and the loading situation gets even worse as things get all twisted up. This is just the nature of a 3-link wishbone setup and if you intend on keeping this, your best bet is to use the largest joint you can possibly find...and even then, it's still not loaded "properly".
As for the crossmember...DEFINITELY do something else there. The nuts in the frame rail are tack-welded to the inside of the formed sheetmetal structure. They're meant to support the weight of the trans and some torsion from the trans mount, and that's about it. One common solution is to sleeve the frame rails with some thicker material and make some additional provisions for mounting the crossmember etc. on that. If you search in the advanced fab section of this site there are many threads about how people have reinforced that area of the frame for mounting suspension links to.
If you're interested I can post some pics of how I did mine; however a lot of it might be irrelevant if you intend on keeping the interior mostly stock.