Man Rules!

Kejtar

PostMaster General
NAXJA Member
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!
 
Kejtar said:
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

:D:D
 
First off you should know I have been married to my wife, Bonnie for 20 years.
AND THAT LIST IS ABSOLUTLY CORRECT!!!!
I propose that it be integrated into the marriage vow ASAP.
Too many women just don't know these important insights.....
I am sure I am married to the only perfect woman on the planet...:D
She would agree to almost all of them....
(I like the Victoria Secret insight....and so does she...;) )
There are some notable points not made though....
I.E.
Garage/ shop costs are much less than therapy sessions....
In-laws opinions are for entertainment purposes only...
The male will always choose the family (his) dog....
Cats that can't mouse....won't eat.....
And...the music is NEVER too loud...
Rick
 
Thus spake Al Bundy...

"Synchronised Swimming is NOT a sport."

"Mud wrestling IS a sport."

Don't ask me if that dress makes you look fat. It is not the DRESS that makes you look fat - it's the FAT that makes you look fat.

An older married man was taking a newlywed buddy fishing. The younger guy asked "What time are we leaving to-morrow? I'd like to let my wife know."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"We're married. Don't you tell your wife when you go fishing or anything like that?"

"Why? I told the woman I was going fishing when we got married. Why should I have to tell her again?"

5-90
 
Seen it before, but worth seeing again, still get a chuckle. Number 1 really cracks me up and I believe number 1 was written just for my wife. :) TC
 
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