Jokes...

[altierior]

not that I promote them, but...

List of possible slogans promoting national condom week:

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before u attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not goin to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomise
10. It will be sweeter if you cover your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trousermouse
15. Especially in december, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an uncovered pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanise your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her

 

[surf2snow]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, ' Do you know me? '
To which she replies, ' I think you're the father of one of my kids. '
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, '
My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that made love to on the
pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt
with wet celery??? '
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, '


No, I 'm your daughter's teacher.

 

[bigalpha]

Ha, nice.

 

[bigalpha]

I didn't feel like re-typing the whole thing.

 

[muddyrocks]

Just realized ZacSquatches icon is The Shocker... Doh!

Some boyscout you turned out to be! lol :worship:

 

[89eliminator]

3 hillbillies walk into a restaurant
the waitress tells them to seat themselves and she will be right with them.
she walks into the kitchen for a few seconds and returns.
all 3 of the hillbillies are sitting there jerking off
the waitress asks what the hell they are doing
one of the hillbillies says "That sign over there says First Come First Serve!"

 

[jeepster425]

whats the difference between a battery and a women?

The battery has a positive side.

 

[90Blue_XJ]

Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary's hometown. They are low on fuel so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the First couple's gas tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window. "Hey, Hillary. We used to date in high school, do you remember me?", he asks. They chat for a few minutes, Bill pays and the First couple leaves. As they drive off, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary. "You used to date that guy? Just think what it would be like if you had married him instead of me", he says smugly. Hillary looks at Bill, shrugs and replies, "Well I guess you'd be pumping gas and he would be the President."

 

[.40CalPatriot]

I didn't feel like re-typing the whole thing.

Right Click, Copy, Right Click, Paste

 

[bigalpha]

What do you mean copy and paste? How's this, I went ahead and got it all here.

Tom and Eggs

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bedThis is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.


And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:


"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!"

 

[.40CalPatriot]

I didn't feel like re-typing the whole thing.

What do you mean copy and paste? How's this, I went ahead and got it all here.

Missed the begining. Sorry!:dunno:

Good one though!

 

[bigalpha]

lol, man I'm so confused.

 

[.40CalPatriot]

lol, man I'm so confused.

When you copied it over you forgot the first lines of the joke.

 

[bigalpha]

Oh snap.

<-- loser

 

[90Blue_XJ]

There was a guy named Tim and he was dating a woman named Lorain, Lorain was quite nice but lately, she was getting on his nerves. He went to a nearby park and started chatting with a lovely girl named Clearly, they hit it off, but Tim would never cheat on Lorain, so they stayed close friends. Tim and lorain were walking in a park when all of a sudden a flash flood came and scooped Lorain away, Tim happily exclaimed, "I can see clearly now Lorain is gone!!"

 

[bjoehandley]

What's a Cannibals favorite game..........Swallow the leader!









Believe it or not, my sister found that on a website of kids jokes