Okie Princess
Princess
- Location
- Red Rock Canyon, Oklahoma
I found these in a small newspaper called "45 & Better News". The first story was found on page 3, and the 911 stories were found on page16. These came out of the October 2005 issue.
" gonna' be a BEAR
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you hibernate for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake up to partially grown, cute cuddley cubs.
I could definately deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone know you mean business. You swat anyone that bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
YUP....gonna be a bear."
"Real 911 Calls, "BELIEVE" IT or not!!
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots comming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it
Dispatcher: 911 what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you said this was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is...
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn.... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police"
I thought these were funny! Hope they make you laugh! :sunshine:
" gonna' be a BEAR
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you hibernate for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake up to partially grown, cute cuddley cubs.
I could definately deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone know you mean business. You swat anyone that bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
YUP....gonna be a bear."
"Real 911 Calls, "BELIEVE" IT or not!!
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots comming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it
Dispatcher: 911 what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you said this was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is...
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn.... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police"
I thought these were funny! Hope they make you laugh! :sunshine:
