Now I'm just waiting for my engine to go out so I can do a 4.2 L stroker to make up for the power

. .
it's a good upgrade, but not actually the answer to your problem.
it reminds me of an arguement i had with a freind when we were young hotrodders. he put a Holley 750 double-pumper on his cammed 350, and spent $$ a new name-brand HEI ignition installation because "the hotter ignition will burn the addition gas" he was dumping into the engine.
a month later i bought that Camaro from him for $250 because it was a P O S...
just as any other modification, for any vehicle for that matter.
the over-all system that is your XJ, is essentially "matched" to eachother.
if you change one thing, it generally effects something else. the larger the change you make, the more pronounced the effect.
dont focus on the mathematics of the gear change, because "ideal" and "i can live with it" are all open for interpretation.
make sure the new 4.10s really are a bad choice before throwing any $$ at a new engine or even new gears.
can YOU "live with it"?? learn from the experience and think your next step thru completely, looking at the big picture while you do it....
i'd likely consider your 4.10 set-up something i can live with. i've had both AW4 and AX-15 XJs on 33s and 4.56s but never 31s, but i figured it would be a reasonable set-up if it were the final stage of the axle build.
above all, remember it's the interweb..... someone always knows better than you from their own keyboard, and someone else will always tell you what is "optimal" using some mathematical chart...
filter it all and move ahead.....