xmas songs (twisted) part 1

[USAFXJ]

(To The Tune Of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why;

Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.

He's walkin' real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think
He’s shaved in two weeks,

Daddy's home and boy is he drunk.

He spent most of our money
On Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest
And lost it at the track.

Sooo.... You better not pout,
You better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's...
Daddy's home and boy is he...

Daddy's home and he's really drunk

 

[USAFXJ]

xmas songs (twisted) part 2

To The Tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy -- although
My boss let me go --
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!
Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"

With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man;
I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday, they drag me away?
I’m happily addicted to the Web
I'm happily addicted to the Web!
Happ-ily, ad-dict-ed to the Web!!!

 

[USAFXJ]

xmas songs (twisted) part 3

To The Tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!
Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!
I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.
Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!
Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!
Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let!

 

[USAFXJ]

xmas songs (twisted) part 4

To The Tune “Twelve days of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

 

[USAFXJ]

Duh, I should have thought of that. My bad.

 

[5-90]

Da Yoopers! I love those guys! (for your 'Rusty Chevrolet' lyrics...)

Others you can look up:

"Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" (Bob Rivers)
"Santa's F***in' Roadies" (Kevin Bloody Wilson)
"Santa's Stoned at Christmas" (Kevin Bloody Wilson)
"Christmas at Ground Zero" (Weird Al Yankovic)
"The Night Santa Went Crazy" (Weird Al Yankovic)
"Twelve Pains of Christmas" (Bob Rivers, I think)
"Twelve Days of Christmas" (Bob & Doug MacKenzie)
"Santa's Lament" (Father Guido Sarducci)
"Hadji's Twelve Days of Christmas" (Hadji from Bob & Tom. Did he ever make it to twelve?)
"Jingle Bombs" (Achmed the Dead Terrorist/Jeff Dunham)
"Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas" (Jeff Foxworthy)
" 'Twas the Night After Christmas" (Jeff Foxworthy)
"Road Kill Christmas" (Bubba J/Jeff Dunham)
"Frosty the Pervert" (John Valby)
"I'll Be Stoned for Christmas" (John Valby)
"Christmas on the Pi**" (Kevin Bloody Wilson)
"Granddad's Finger" (Kevin Bloody Wilson)
"Where's Me F***in' Bike?" (Kevin Bloody Wilson)

Those are all the ones that I can think of, that I actually have around here somewhere, that are actually Christmas-themed.

 

[USAFXJ]

And dont forget 12 days of Christmas from Bob and Doug McKenzie.
http://www.aetherealforge.com/~aeon/humor/12days.shtml
Hosers!!!

 

[$450JEEPxj]

You got to love Youtube...... Dings fries are done
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFQyib5ZQZY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGdrMOttV_s