Self employed and in debt kills familys

[XJoshua]

Well im proof that debt is bad. My father is self employed and I dont make enough to help provide being Ive given him all my money. Our ZJ was repo'd two weeks ago and our house on the bluffs is in foreclosure. Then today while I was making business calls on my cell i hear someone banging and its aquila killing our power. So right now im doing this on my phone while it charges in my jeep.

So along with all this crap i might have to skip college for my first semester since my dad hasnt done his taxes.

But no matter what hold on to your loved one and never get behind on your bills because you will never get out of the hole.

I mention loved ones because thats why my dad feel behind. My mom cheated on him and left him after 20years. He became depressed and would sleep for several days and not work for weeks. After that he would work days and nights to catch up then become depressed again and fall right back in. After 6 months of this he is doing better but was still behind. The only thing that I could tell him to help was that I loved him and to keep living for me.

So im not looking for sympathy im here to tell everyone a quick story to keep on your bills and hold onto your loved ones. The best I can do right now for my family to hope I dont repeat these mistakes and get a education to make money to provide for my own family one day.


On a side note the stroker project is on hold for a couple months until I regain my funds. But i can still do small work. Without power I cant use my tools to machine the head to fit the arp head bolt nuts.

 

[Hypoid]

Wow! Some days really suck. You just happen to have a lot of 'em all lined up in a row. Hang in there!

 

[jdogg4]

Self employment is a very very hard thing to stay up on to make it be profitable. Some times consolidating and down sizing living styles money wise you just have to do at times. I’ve been in a bad spot with bills and dept and it does suck and you feel like you’ll never pull out of it, but I found online free help with credit and dept problems. No it’s not a free hand out of a big bag of cash yet tips and tricks on how to budget properly set goals and sticking to payment plans to get your dept under control. I’m not going to toss out any #s on how bad my debt or credit is because it’s pretty flipping embarrassing and all, but it was up there. Multiple credit cards, hospital bills, car, house, cell phone, food, utilities, insurance. I was racking up the bills fast. I had a good paying job very good for what I did and then got laid off and the job sent over seas. I was pretty down and out about it for a long time. The main thing is the support your family gives you and not turning your back on them. My next job I was just making a bit over half of what I was before and that didn’t help for being very motivated. I had to really cut back on food watch utility usage at the house and then the others I called and worked with payment plans on the CC and hospital bills and insurance stuff. I did some side jobs and even got me into fabbing jeep stuff for friends or people that needed stuff from time to time. Food was a big thing for me to cut back on. I ate lunch out all the time, and dinner about 3 to 5 nights a week. So with just cooking dinner at home and taking my lunch with me I saved A BUNCH of money. I’m talking in the 100s of dollars area. I still set a goal of going out to eat with the woman once a week be it a cheap nice sit down lunch or a dinner we did that together. Fuel sucked then and still sucks now not much you can do about that. Try and carpool and or limit your driving. With eating out less I drove less so I did see a drop in fuel cost but then they jacked it back up at the pump. I got a cheaper cell phone rate for a wile and limited the use of it not to have to pay more for it. It took a few years of struggling to keep a line of paying off the dept and not going board. There is a line of things one needs and things that one wants. The needs always have to come first but don’t limit yourself to those or you will be depressed about live. Set aside so much money for entertainment. Be it going to the movies ever week or every other week renting movies or doing like netflix or something. Cheap entertainment is the best entertainment. As of today and a few years of struggle I have no CC dept my Jeep is almost paid off and other than insurance for that and a house bill I’m doing much much better.

 

[Stumpalump]

God won't throw at you any more than you can handle. Hang tough and don't you guys be too proud to not seek some financial advice from a pro. At least do yourselfs a favor and get Dave Ramseys book "Toatal Money Makover" Try a library so you won't have to buy it.

 

[Mosephus]

It is a good book.

 

[XJoshua]

Im hangin and my dads trying to but him going to the bar almost every night is killing cashflow. Specially when Im giving him the money. While he might be drinking im happy that he isnt getting shit faced and driving.

This whole no power thing is killing me. Im back out in the jeep charging my phone and playing jack johnson because im adhd without music and while inside was about 10mins from going crazy. Also not having any caffiene is hurting me because ive already started withdrawling. Im pretty sure how i feel now is similar to druggies. Itching, anxiety, depression and the daily squirts well maybe not daily. Ohh and the cotton mouth doesnt help because cool well water makes its worse.

But ive had a slight change of luck found me a girl that loves cars and is smokin as in hot. But her phone is in for repairs so no one to talk to and everyone is off partying.

Ill have to check out that book for both me and my dad because i move out in a year to attend college in the springs.

 

[Hypoid]

Dayum! I'm not sayin I'm better-I'm not! But the whole business of fighting depression and drinking on top (alchohol is a depressant), sure brings back dark and unpleasant memories.

I'm going to be so bold as to recommend you seek counseling for yourself, so you know how to cope with the old man's wild ride. It's bad enough for a grown man to fight this battle, but a young man who's just starting out in life? You don't have enough tools in your belt to fix this one Josh. Try looking up mental health in the phone book, the publicly funded agencies base payments on how much you make. Get some insight from the pros who deal with these kind of problems day in and day out.

Good luck! the ol grump

 

[jdogg4]

This is a big one man I'd get help your put in to the roll of the parent it seems like and now your dad needs the help to get back on track. What does your dad do as far as being self emp. The deal with drinking is that if your board you drink. Fill that boardum with something then the drinking isn't a big deal. If he is at the bar that beer is 2 to 3 times the cost of a 12 pack. Take up fishing with a 6 pack slow down his drinking a bit. do you drink or just at parties and stuff. Take on small projects togather around the house or yard. be it he has a few beers doing that and staying busy vs. sitting on a stool and having a more beer doing nothing.
BEER gets expensive. I love my micro brews but those cost more than budlight. I tend to have one micro brew to start off with enjoy the flavor then switch to some bud light for the night.

 

[XJoshua]

He does remodeling for self employment. He does a great job and did it weekends only because he liked remodeling. But now its a fulltime thing and made more money then his previous job as a buyer for andrews produce. Ive tried to get him to work on the engine with me but he doesnt like getting greasy. I help him around the yard but not much to be done for fun at 11pm when he usually leaves. He doesnt go to the bar solo he has friends finally that he usually takes care of for driving and know the bar tender well. He usually has a sixer in the fridge to drink when he's working around the house. What i need to do is get him to go camping we used to do that alot when the family was together so i think i need him to realize i am the family now and have both of us bring some friends.

As far as me I dont like getting smashed when I drink. Usually its me and a shit load of friend having some beers and playing video games. Occassionaly Ill go to big parties to mingle with the babes but its still just beer I drink and I dont drink and drive. I follow the one beer one hour of wait rule or if I know I shouldnt drive i get a friend to get me or walk home. Im sure my dad knows because he was my age at one point. He's confronted me at one pointe asking if i smoked weed and that i quiet 10th grade because people started finishing my sentences instead of vise versa. Then again weed has nothing to do with current circumsatances.

Then again with beer i work at a restruant and alot of the people there are great and let me try beers when restocking and i have to say the micros are way better then bl. Also i only have micro maybe everyother month and people pitch so its not a kill on the wallet. So far im a fiend of the new belgum. I wouldnt say i have a problem since i rarely drink. unlike other kids in this town that drink almos everyother day.

 

[jdogg4]

Camping is perfect even if it's something you all used to do as a family this might let him know you can still have new family traditions that you once had before you know. I'm sure he knows your there but alot of times with depression they don't know that your really "THERE" for them you know.

 

[Toddbrew]

Have you tried to refinance the house to pull some money together and get back on track. If your dad is hung he won't feel much like putting extra effort into work or projects and it is s depressant and will temporarily make you feel better only to make you feel worse later. His mood would change if he slowed down. It sounds like both of you are in a bad place and you will both need to get counciling to deal with the loss. I am sorry dude. You also might qualify for low income rates on utilities etc.

 

[jdogg4]

maybe a new house smaller cheaper build up a work shop for him and his wood working stuff might be a good start. Offds are credit isn't gong to be that good and would block that plan. Just something to think about.

 

[XJoshua]

Well I was the the library yeasterday looking for the recommended book and they wont be buying it until monday. So that ended up wasting some time but it gave me something to do.

This is completely off topic but there are people in pueblo that are shallower than me. I screwed myself out of a girlfriend because my "text messages" sounded rude. I mean shit she loved talking to me in person then she texts me and we talked like that and a text message ended the deal. What has the teenage population come to? But what ever found me someone else to hook up with and shes a ex XJer but hers used to be a v6 i think because it was a '85 i think is what she said.

Well Im going to call up a teacher I did film editing for because she said she has a friend that is a shrink and would work probono. The whole talking about my life online thing doesnt really work just offers possible solutions. Nothing really life changing. But it does lift me up a bit to know people still care about each other even though they have never met me.

 

[WB9YZU]

I see you are 18.

Family problems are a drag, and your Father knew what he could be in for when he started his own business. Over 2/3s of all new businesses fail misserably and that is why the IRS gives you something in the order of 5 years to show a profit. Many folks can't make it alone and take a PT job to support their other business, and some just find an employer who will take their self employed skills into account.

I won't bother to address the alleged drinking and depression, I'm not there... It may just be a temporary funk, though some folks need to loose it all before they figure out they need to save themselves.

Remember to calculate your own survival into this. If you need financial aid for college, line it up and go. Either that, or find a construction job, and hope the market doesn't burst and put you on the skids also.

I happen to take a survival approach to "Loved ones". There are certain folks in this world that are precious to me, but my survival comes first. When it comes to the big "D", you realize that your future and pineing for that person are not compatable and you move forward.

 

[XJoshua]

Well Im thinking of getting a job at Trane. They have what I need and the pay that i need. The pay will let me afford college and finish the jeep to where it can be driven anywhere without problems. Also itll help me support my dad some.

 

[Stang5lgt]

Hang in there man. Time is a healer of all pain. I went through a ton a crap almost 4 years ago. My business was booming and then my wife cheated on me. We decided to work it out but within a year I went Bankrupt. Things are good now. But we made alot changes. Starting over isn't bad always lets you see things more clearly. Just don't dwell on the past and encourage your dad. And make sure he knows how you feel. My mom also left my dad and he had a hard time. He also lost his business. He is doing well now. I don't want bore you with my whole life story. Just wanted to encourage you. As long as you are breathing there is always tomorrow and chance for something good. God bless.