Really? How odd...

[Team Willys]

So its late and can't sleep...

Figured I'd get on her and chat for a bit to pass time. Not looking forward to work tomorrow.

So this past week has been kinda interesting to say the least. A few weeks ago I ran into an old high school friend that I sorta had a thing for. We talked a lot but never really became anything more than friends. Anyway, she was working at the Cracker Barrel and we recognized each other and chatted for a few minutes. She was and still is great friend material but I was glad it didn't work out... So now fast forward to this week and the "first love" has been trying to track me down and after going through a old mutual friend she finally gets a hold of me. Shes been married once, divorced, and has 2 kids now, different dads. Wow. Can't deal with that lol. She convinced me to go out to dinner with her to catch up, so Friday night we went and had some pizza together and did just that. I kept it strictly casual though. Definitely no longer interested in being anything more than friends. I just think its sorta funny to hear from her after maybe 9 years or so.

Then today... I check my emails, and low and behold the girl from Cracker Barrel (Jen) has emailed my personal email (she used to have it in High School) and has even been looking online and found my web site and sent an email to my business account. Lol. Not that she's not welcome to do so, I just find it kind odd that all these people are looking for me. So anyway, emails are old school so I've spent the last couple of hours texting back and forth just catching up, and we get off the subject of work, and get onto the subject of past relationships. That's never a good thing for me and it always ends up in sleepless nights... prime example of right now. She is facebook friends with the girl I thought I would marry one day. We have been broken up for over 5 years now... but I still think about her all the time and messing that up is the only regret I have in my whole life. Long story short, I got greedy and forgot about whats important. So it didn't work out and I haven't heard from her in over 4 years. Tonight Jen tells me that she's been engaged for almost 4 years and thinks they are supposed to get married in May or something like that. Honestly its one of those things you know is gonna happen but it doesn't make it any easier. I end up spilling the beans on how I feel, and the mistakes I made to Jen (which is what I do in these times) and she told me I need to contact her one last time before its too late. I'm not sure what I'll say right now, but Jen shot her a message and asked if it would be ok for me to contact her. In any case, I don't have any high hopes or anything, I just think it would be a good thing for her to know how I feel, give me a chance to apologize, and wish her the best in her journey. I kick myself for that mistake all the time.

For a long time I've tried to buy happiness. I bought a really expensive car, I started a business that I work my ass off on, been on big vacations, I build jeeps... all of which is a lot of fun, but no matter what, I'm still not truly happy. I haven't been in a long time. Honestly, I'd give it all up, every last bit of it,to be as happy as I was with her. I'm a successful man, and I've worked hard to get where I am, but how is a man's success measured? Over time, Ive learned its not how thick his wallet is. Which is a hard pill to swallow because that's a lot easier. I believe real success is finding your spouse and giving her your absolute 100%. Today I was out in the shop working as usual and the thought crossed my mind of how cool it would be to be able to share this hobby with the woman of my dreams. I want to build her something really really nice to drive, something that will mean something to her, not because I went to the car lot and dropped 50K, but because I put blood, sweat, and tears into it and we shared the experience together... So I'm still learning and I'm man enough to admit it. Guys, remember whats important in life. Don't mess it up like I did. You may only get the one chance. I just pray I have learned my lesson and I get another chance to try again.

Also, not sure why I wrote all of this here, and I know some of it may not make sense. I'm stone sober but wide awake... guess I just needed to vent.

Thanks for listening.

 

[TanasiXJ]

Ms. Right will come Tyler. You are a Great Guy with great morals and will treat a lady right. I am so glad to have you and Doug as friends. Hang in there Buddy!

 

[old_man]

You say you are not happy....that is nothing compared to marrying the wrong woman. :anon:

I jest. I have been happily married for 38 years.

 

[xjtrailrider]

I have been married for 24 years. The first 22 years were awesome and I wouldn't have taken 5 million dollars for my wife. The last two years have negated all of the good.

Don't kick yourself for "what might have been". EVERYTHING happens for a reason be it good or bad.

If things work out for you and your old flame then it was meant to be, if not then it wasn't.

I don't know what way my marriage is heading and happiness seems a million miles away for me right now. I just want some piece of mind for once. I do know that I will NEVER get married again. At 47 there is no point in it.

 

[Team Willys]

Pretty sure there's no hope for that. Which I didn't expect. But she got back with Jen today & said that she prefer I didn't try to contact her since the last few times we spoke I went all "crazy/silly" on her. She just said she appreciated my congrats & hoped I was doing well, which being 100% honest I'm o-k, but not great although I never tell anyone otherwise. Depressed people make people depressed, so I just put on my fake smile and go about my life on a day to day basis. I deserve all of this no doubt... But I did hope she would at least hear me out. Like I said, the entire situation is one huge regret for me. I'm ashamed of myself & the way I acted. But unfortunately I'll never get a chance to make it right.

If I ever get another shot, good Lord willing, I'll do my best to remember my mistakes & apply what I learned from them to make me a better person. But after all Thats happened in the last 5 years, there's just not a lot of hope, faith, or confidence left in me. Giving up would be a lot easier.

 

[FlexdXJ]

Tyler, you're a good dude and your knack for fabrication and building sweet ass rigs is like that of guys twice your age. I have yet to find "the one" but I just keep living my life because you can't dwell on things you can't change. Focus on you and she will show up when you least expect it!

 

[Team Willys]

Thanks man... But fab work like Jesse James wouldnt bring me happiness. I'm good at what I do no doubt. I'm a perfectionist & I dont cut corners. But it doesn't make me happy. I'd give it all up in a second.

 

[FlexdXJ]

Thanks man... But fab work like Jesse James wouldnt bring me happiness. I'm good at what I do no doubt. I'm a perfectionist & I dont cut corners. But it doesn't make me happy. I'd give it all up in a second.

I can't say I've had a situation like yours but I can say I knew the feeling you have. When I was about 21 I was working a shitty job feeling sorry for myself. My disease blows and if it weren't for sacking up and getting a job then finding and all the great people I have met I'd be feeling sorry for myself and not out living my dream! No shit, this club and my jeep have saved my life! I wish you the best my friend and hope I've helped you in some way. Try not to beat yourself up too bad buddy. We all do things we feel bad about, regret or beat ourselves up about. We're human, it's in our nature. Happy trails brother! :cheers:

 

[Team Willys]

I can definitely relate to a vehicle saving my life too. About a month before we officially ended it, I totaled my truck. I walked away with only a minor scratch but it wasnt pretty & I coulve been killed. She didn't so much as even come make sure I was ok. She had already made up her mind and there was no more love to be given. Anyway... I found another truck, my white extended cab ranger with the v8 swap. Literally she only saw it once, it was when I came over to have "the talk". When I left I thought about just leaving and driving as far as I could drive. But I didn't know where I would go. I gathered up what I had left & literally threw myself into working on the truck. I spent every dime I had & every bit of time working in it just to keep my mind away from reality. Many many times I came close to doing the unthinkable but 2 things stopped me. My grandfather, and something that's between me and the good Lord. But the truck definitely gave me something to do. But now Like her its gone too. All good things come to an end, but bad seems to Have plagued my life for a long time now.

 

[highspeed]

Man, I hate to hear about your struggles.

I have had many many struggles throughout my life as well. If it wasn't for second chances, I wouldn't be here today. That being said, keep your head up. I have learned( the hard way many times) that my life is not really "mine" per se, and the more I tried to take total control.....the less control I actually had......and that I am an instrument for something and someone greater, and yeah....sure....that seems cliche but there is alot of truth in it if you have any faith backed values and beliefs. I wish I had a " one liner" for you that would help you ease your mind, but I don't. So I will use a great, funny, and surprisingly deep line from Mr. Joe "Dirte".....its French.......

Life's a Garden.....Dig It!

You obviously have alot of supporters on here, and although I have never met you personally, I can simply see the impact you have to many other people on here.........and I am sure elsewhere as well. Hang in there bro!

 

[UNCC_99XJ]

Try not to let it get you down. As has already been said, we've all made mistakes. Oddly enough, I ran into my ex's parents last weekend while on my way to arenacross with my dad. Hadn't seen or had anything to do with my ex or her family in over 5 years. Got me thinking back to those days. It was fun, and I do have regrets from mistakes I made during our time together, but I've learned from those and moved on. Everything does happen for a reason, we just may not see that reason immediately.

Do I wish I had a girl to call mine? Absolutely. On the flip side, not being committed has allowed me to work a job that lets me travel the country and see places I may not have otherwise had a chance to see. Case in point, I'm typing this in Dallas right now while waiting for a flight home. Later this week I may be in California or Florida or where ever it may take me. This job has also allowed me to purchase my own home. Two things (travel and home) are direct result of this job that I probably wouldn't have taken had I been in a serious relationship when I got the offer. Someday it will all change, as is life. Look at all the positive impacts you've had in the direction life has taken you. Your amazing fab work, customers you've made, friends you've gained, and skills you will one day be able to pass down to your own kid.

If you ever want a different mind to listen, you've got my number. Call anytime.

When you're in town for the 50th come April, the first round of drinks is on me sir. :cheers:

 

[shortxjdoug]

You get lots of chances... And you have lots of greatness in the life you lead.... But don't miss all the fun on your way to the end of the story. It has taken me all my life to figure that out.


You always know where to find us though brother

 

[MELKORsXJ]

I don't have much to add here, as most of the bases have been covered...

But I would like to say that it is really cool to see our Naxja friends and family showing support. I may be Tyler's closest Naxja neighbor, but I know the rest of you are just as close! Whether it be by phone, email, or on here, we are always here for each other...

 

[Team Willys]

Very true Dan.

I said I wasnt sure why I even posted this here, but I guess I did because most of you are great friends and like family to me. I dont talk to my "real" family about these issues just because I dont want them to worry about me still struggling with this over 5 years later. My mom was really worried about me... Well, my entire family was really. I lost quite a bit of weight, and was severely depressed for a long time. My parents even tried to convince me to go to counseling. I saw Brandi almost every day for 3 years. We did everything together... I was devoted to her 100% and before things went south, she felt the same about me. We practically lived together and our families were like one. So yeah I know we weren't married, but it felt like it. At least to me anyway.

I'm ok. I'll push on & survive one way or another just like Ive been doing. I'm definitely on the down hill side & its gotten easier, but every now & then I hit a bump and get a little sideways. I'm sure if someone comes along that makes me feel the same way or better, I'll be able to fully move on with my life. Until then, I'll take it day by day. But I'll say that I never want to experience that again. It damn near killed me last time (seriously) and I'm not sure Ive got another one in me.

I really and truly appreciate all the kind words & support that has been demonstrated here. You guys mean the world to me.

 

[xjtrailrider]

There is nothing wrong with counseling. I go every other week and I too suffer from depression. I don't like the "zombie" like meds that medical doctors like to give for depression. The side effects suck.

I have found that talking with someone is a huge help. Family is okay but you need someone that will be honest with you. Family tends to tell you what they think you want to hear, comfort you.

Fixing depression is a every day job and it comes and goes. The problem is when you get low and can't get back up. That's when you need help. Dwelling in the past does not help. You have to move on and look forward to the future and what it holds!

 

[RenegadeStang]

I've been married for 7 years now, going on 8. I'd be lying if I told you it was all smooth sailing. Around year 2 or 3, I ran into a girl that I'd had the hots for in high school, but never acted on it. Apparently the feeling had been mutual. My body started going into full "what-if" mode. My relationship with my wife got rocky and we almost separated. But we prayed it out and worked it out.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't concentrate so much on the "what-if's" of life. Just focus on right now. Things will work out the way they're supposed to.

 

[256offroad]

Hate to hear of the troubles man! But I know when your hanging out with all us Naxja folks it all goes away that's what's awesome about these guys!!

If you ever need anything or a place to stay for a weekend getaway you got my number!!

 

[DaveS98]

God bless man.
Things will work out for the best