FIREBLADE
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Tucson, AZ
x2Vertisce said:
More Jokes
- Thread starter Fergie
- Start date
Lou
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- ToronNo/Hamilton
XJ Dreamin' said:
Did you say mamatee?
That's Mr Mamatee to you, sucka!
XJ Dreamin'
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Huntsville, Texas
Lou said:Did you say mamatee?
That's Mr Mamatee to you, sucka!
He's let himself go, hasn't he? :wierd:
Did I say mamatee? It was supposed to be mammateat. I'm jsut all fumbel figners toady
Fergie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Flagstaff, AZ
That is nothing new.Vertisce said:
FIREBLADE said:
Shmeh. I grew up in Flagstaff, no Momos here, none at all. I didn't even grow up getting in to trouble with the Bishop's son, and dating his daughter.
Will say though, you guys have some fancy Temples. Anyone who ever gets the chance needs to see the inside.
Fergie
Dookie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Shore-town, WA
Mormon Census Form
1. _____________________ (Given name)
2. _____________________ (Surname)
3. Descendant of:
A. Adam and Eve _____
B. Cain and Abel _____
C. Laman and Lemuel _____
D. Laurel and Hardy _____
4. Tribe: _____________________
5. Number of occupants in home:
(Categories listed in chronological order)
A. Nursery _____
B. Junior Primary _____
C. Senior Primary _____
D. Young Women’s _____
E. Young Men’s _____
F. Relief Society _____
G. Elder _____
H. Dearly Departed _____
I. High Priest _____
6. Occupation:
A. Amway dealer _____
B. Shaklee dealer _____
C. Nonie juice dealer _____
D. NuSkin dealer _____
E. Melaleuca dealer _____
7. Automobile:
A. Station Wagon _____
B. Van _____
C. Suburban _____
D. School Bus _____
E. Double Decker _____
8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:
A. Chuck-A-Rama _____
B. Hometown Buffet _____
C. Sumo Sam’s All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____
9. Favorite Hero:
A. Nephi _____
B. Abinadi _____
C. Samuel the Lamanite _____
D. Steve Young _____
E. Johnny Lingo _____
10. Which of the following do you bring to church:
A. Scriptures _____
B. Daytimer _____
C. Pen/Pencil _____
D. Lifesavers _____
E. Tic Tacs _____
F. Game Boy _____
G. Big Gulp _____
H. Cooler _____
I. Sony Walkman _____
J. TV Watch _____
K. All of the above _____
11. Do you prepare your lessons:
A. A month in advance _____
B. A week in advance _____
C. While in the bathtub _____
D. While on the toilet _____
E. During Sacrament Meeting _____
F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting _____
G. During the opening prayer of the class you’re teaching _____
H. Just wing it _____
12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with
Big Gulp holders: yes___ no ___
13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:
A. 10-20 years _____
B. 20-30 years _____
C. 30-40 years _____
D. Over 3 generations _____
14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:
A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____
B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____
C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____
15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:
A. 31st ______
B. 31st ______
C. 31st ______
D. 31st ______
16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:
A. 1-10 _____
B. 10-20 _____
C. 20-30 _____
D. You’ll have to ask my lawyer _____
17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:
A. Arguing about getting along _____
B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner _____
C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" _____
18. How many times a year do you make:
A. Jello salad _____
B. Funeral potatoes _____
C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____
D. Turkey, cashews and grape-stuffed croissants _____
19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:
A. 1-2 thousand _____
B. 2-3 thousand _____
C. 3-4 thousand _____
D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____
20. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:
A. Alcatraz _____
B. Fort Knox _____
C. Ward Libraries _____
21. How many aerodynamic, mechanical and structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you’ll win the pinewood derby: _________
22. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:
A. Chocolate:_____ pounds daily X 365 days annually = ____
B. Cola: _____ gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____
23. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?
A. Second Coming _____
B. Football game _____
Last edited:
Vertisce
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Ogden Utah
You appearently werent paying attention to what he was saying and why.
Fergie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Flagstaff, AZ
Oh sh!t that is funny!Dookie said:
XJ Dreamin'
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Huntsville, Texas
Come on, TRNDRVR! It's just getting started. You've only missed the previews and the opening commercial. There're still some seats down front.
Fergie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Flagstaff, AZ
G.....O.....DXJ Dreamin' said:
Come on, TRNDRVR! It's just getting started. You've only missed the previews and the opening commercial. There're still some seats down front.
Now he'll be here shortly.
Vertisce
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Ogden Utah
Im done with this...I dont deal with pompous priks and jackass's.
Dookie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Shore-town, WA
Geepfreak
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- The Shop.....
Dookie said:
Growing up Mormon, makes that even FUNNIER!
Thanks for Sharing...
0313
None....
- Location
- On the Road
Vertisce said:
Calm down, apparently you havent seen the Jew jokes, dished out by the Jews.
Fergie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Flagstaff, AZ
So Jesus and Moses are walking down a dirt road, and pass by a large pond.
Moses stops and says to Jesus, "I wonder if I have my old powers?" So Moses walks over to the edge of the pond, and raises his staff. The waters part, and Moses grins from ear to ear as he walks back over to Jesus. "Still got them."
Not to be out done, Jesus walks over to the pond to test his old powers out. He starts walking across the pond, on top of the water, but is forced to turn around at about half way out because he is sinking in the water.
Jesus gets back to Moses and says, "I dont know what is going on...I can't walk on water like I used to."
Moses replies,"Don't worry, you didn't have those holes in your feet the last time you tried that."
Moses stops and says to Jesus, "I wonder if I have my old powers?" So Moses walks over to the edge of the pond, and raises his staff. The waters part, and Moses grins from ear to ear as he walks back over to Jesus. "Still got them."
Not to be out done, Jesus walks over to the pond to test his old powers out. He starts walking across the pond, on top of the water, but is forced to turn around at about half way out because he is sinking in the water.
Jesus gets back to Moses and says, "I dont know what is going on...I can't walk on water like I used to."
Moses replies,"Don't worry, you didn't have those holes in your feet the last time you tried that."
Geepfreak
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- The Shop.....
0313 said:
Or all the Priest jokes by Catholics.. :laugh3:
jeepinandy
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- SWVA
Fergie said:
Damn Fergie I'm going to Hell just for reading that one....... :cheers:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vertisce
Im done with this...I dont deal with pompous priks and jackass's.
Didn't you say you were Mormon
Vertisce
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Ogden Utah
I simply dont find religious, racist, or rape and murder jokes to be funny or appropriate in any way shape or form. More often than not people get offended and all it shows is peoples ignorance. And all I said originally was that the joke about killing the 2 guys was wrong. Then someone had to yap off about killing a mormon instead. Thats downright offensive and I know im not the only one to think that.
Dookie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Shore-town, WA
Geepfreak said:
i got that from a mormon website...
Vertisce
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Ogden Utah
THIS is funny.
Is Hell Exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct - leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”
Is Hell Exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct - leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”
Fergie
NAXJA Forum User
- Location
- Flagstaff, AZ
Well, the other day I found some pics of an XJ in WWII scenes to be disrespectful. Some fellows calle dme on it, and after looking at the post, I was downright supid about it.Vertisce said:
Just realize, this is the internet, and it aint no thang.
Fergie
Similar threads
- Locked
