advice on how to handle a sloppy girlfriend?

XJEEPER said:
Just curious, why exactly are you dating? (Playing house?)

If it's to clearly identify qualified candidates for marriage, then what are your qualifications? Might sound hokey, but try writing down (in private) the desired qualities of a future spouse. Sounds like one of the important prerequisites is tidiness.

To expect a spotless home 24/7 is unrealistic, or obsessive, but it appears that you need to raise your sights a little........or lower your expectations.
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i've come to the conclusion that i will never get married, it scares me.

as far as expecting a clean house 24/7 that is not expected at all, after all i have a 4 year old. i just expect things to be decent and not get to the point they are in the pictures.

were together because we really are a good couple. she is loyal, and one of the first girlfriends i've ever had that i felt would literally bend over backwards for me.
 
Thanks guys. This makes me ever so Thankful for my wife.

I suggest you bag everything that she leaves aroung the house and hide it for a while. That's what we do with the kids when the don't keep their stuff clean. It works. My 4 year old can keep his toys and clothes pretty organized.

As others said....She may not change. She is pretty young though. I'd guess that She's never had to do it for herself before.
 
ok ok if i'm being honest we are living together because i needed help financially to get the things i needed to have 50% custody of my daughter. She has always helped me with her as far as taking her to school when i couldn't because of my work schedule and honestly the judge wouldn't have awarded me the amount of time i have gotten if it weren't for us living together and having another party able to transport her to where she needs to be. i did it because it was a smart choice to be able to have more custody of my little girl. if we were to break up i'd loose alot because i wouldn't have the ability to take her to school in the mornings and would then loose the overnight time with her. then in a snowball effect i would loose alot more time because the judge would not want her bouncing back and forth on a daily basis.
 
Beej said:
Well, no offense to others who are 20 years old, but I think part of the problem is that your girlfriend is still just a kid. Kids are messy and need direction and support from their parents as they figure out what they want to do and who to be in life. Since you're the adult in the household, unfortunately, when your choose a young partner, you're part boyfriend, part spirit guide and part parent.

Plus, I think she's ADHD...

:D
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Blanket statement lacking substance.

My wife was 20 and I was 29 .....we dated 3 times before I even questioned her age because I assumed by her level of maturity that she was 23-24ish. She was living with 2 girlfriends, splitting rent and utilities, paying for her own tuition, car payment and insurance and working 40hrs a week. She was somewhat the baby in the family, the 6th of 8 children and although she grew up in a well-off household, she was taught the value of money, the importance of taking responsibility for her own actions.
14 year later, is still I consider myself very fortunate to have found a wife that is a great mother, great cook, fiscally responsible, a good housekeeper, great lover and best friend. I got the complete package and I didn't play house with her before we were married.
 
funvtec said:
ok ok if i'm being honest we are living together because i needed help financially to get the things i needed to have 50% custody of my daughter. She has always helped me with her as far as taking her to school when i couldn't because of my work schedule and honestly the judge wouldn't have awarded me the amount of time i have gotten if it weren't for us living together and having another party able to transport her to where she needs to be. i did it because it was a smart choice to be able to have more custody of my little girl. if we were to break up i'd loose alot because i wouldn't have the ability to take her to school in the mornings and would then loose the overnight time with her. then in a snowball effect i would loose alot more time because the judge would not want her bouncing back and forth on a daily basis.
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The judge actually granted more custody time because you were living with someone?
 
Wow, that's horrible... I used to think my gf was a complete mess... but at least her clothes aren't piling around like that... she doesn't have many clothes though, they are just always dirty and she hates washing clothes...

Anyways, I would work on some kind of organization system. But with all those clothes, I don't think it's possible... that should be reduced to 1/2, or even 1/4 what I can see there!
 
This is why I have turned down 3 girlfriends wanting to move in together... They lived like slobs such as your g/f. Its like my policy on smokers... If they are slobs.. they are crossed off the list.

I'm not the cleanest person, but trash pileing up and clothes on the floor are my biggest pet peeves. My roomy here at school left a pile of used kleenex on the floor next to his desk for 2 weeks... and he wondered why he was still sick...

She may mature and realize shit later on, but now... forget it... This is comming from a 20 year old as well..

The ass your getting isn't worth the mess.
 
I had the same problem with both my kids, total slobs, fought it for 18+ years and then they FINALLY moved out. Other than the cellar the house is relatively clean now AND we have two spare bedrooms. They come home for laundry but what they bring in goes with them or it goes out on Wednesday morning.
I can't stand living in a mess, as far as the cellar, just too much stuff, I may bring in a dumpster this spring/summer and do some tough love on it.
 
Ouch dude.... rough
You know...you are with her for the wrong reasons with that statement.
Coexisting people need to Respect one another, period.

I too believe Daughters are first... but if this GF is too hard to live with but its the "price to pay" to be with your lil girl then.. shoot you may as well move in with the your daughters Mother.

Time flies man and what you do right now will make a big difference in your future.

Hang Tough man
 
It's really very simple. Is the good you get from her worth the bad? If it is, shut up, pic up the laundry yourself. If not you have some decisions to make.

Can you reason with her how important it is that she pick up her things? Is her family sloppy, in other words is this a lifestyle she grew up with or something she learned as a young adult. If it is a lifestyle and you can't live with it AND be happy, you should cut and run. Expecting a woman to change a long term behavior is like pushing rope, it won't happen.
 
pick up all the junk put it into trash bags and lay them out back, when she asks where the stuff is, tell her you thought it was trash because the way it was jsut thrown around.
 
Hey guy I think the solution is just to get rid of her. I would never deal with someone like that. There are plenty of women out there
 
And its not hard to get plenty more decent looking 20 year olds....

My step sis is 20 if your interested.
 
My x-wife (divorced over 3 years ago) was exactly like your current GF. I tried everything... and she never changed. She is still the same way.

I have concluded that its just like criminality. Its going to take something HUGE and IMPACTFUL for people like this to ever change.

If i were you, i would tell here exactly how you feel about it BLUNTLY.

Tell her that you like her or whatever, but the mess's have to change. You hate to give ultimatum's, but if it doesn't change then she will have to move out. Your not trying to be mean in any way, your just being realistic about what you want out of YOUR significant other. If she cant do that, then she isnt the right one for you.

One of three things should happen after this "talk"

1.) She will accept that cleanliness is what you need, and start making an effort to change her habits. (it may not be dramatic, but a change is a step in the right direction).

2.) She will accept that cleanliness is what you need, say she will change and then make a half ass effort to do so. At this point you know she isnt right for you.

3.) She will get pissed off because you basically told her that she isnt as important as a clean house and you guys will fight (or she will attempt to fight with you depending on what kind of person you are). At this point you know you cant even have a "grown up" conversation with her and she needs to go.

The bottom line? DONT SETTLE!

Hope that helps.
 
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Dude... I would go rent a storage facility paying only 2 months rent pack up all her stuff put it in there and give her the 2 months to change (she won't). If it still continues to live like that I would kick her and her mess to the curb unless the pussy is that good. Just think you will have to put up with that mess forever. Do you want your daughter see that it is ok to live like that?

Sounds like she is a spoiled @#$ing brat. I would ask her mother if she allowed her to live that way in her house. She is a product of her upbringing.
 
The way I see it you have two options.

1. Rub her nose in it until she gets the point.
2. Sell her panties on ebay and use the money to get a maid.
 
XJEEPER said:
To expect a spotless home 24/7 is unrealistic, or obsessive, but it appears that you need to raise your sights a little........or lower your expectations.
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Bullshit.
 
have you thought about verbal and mental abuse? it goes a long way. if not then a few well timed slaps really drive the point home.:looney:
 
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