If you put the shifter in 1-2, and get the RPMs up around 4500, it should shift.
If you unplug the TCU, do you get 1st in 1-2; 3rd in 3; 4th in D; reverse, neutral, and park. If you get that result, your problem is electrical in nature.
Your TCU on a 97 should be under the dash, driver's side (earlier XJs was the passenger's side), between the steering column and the air box by your right knee. Silver.
think I'm going to try a new tcu. what year model tcu do i need? will anyone from 97 up work? or all they all the same i have one from a 95 i could try are they the same