I've seen small women who can handle something like a .454 Casull or a .500 Smith just fine - better than some large men! It's as much a matter of mindset as anything else.
Second on allowing her to "test-fire" as much as possible.
If she thinks about getting an auto, let me offer some points:
1) Avoid double-stacks, unless she has fairly long fingers to wrap around the grip (I don't like them myself - I have large palms and short, stubby fingers. The M1911/M1991 series points like my finger, and just about grows out of my fist.)
2) I don't care for this "light weight pistol" trend in autos - and felt recoil does go up as weight goes down (what doesn't get used up in cycling the action/compressing the recoil spring acts upon the mass of the pistol. More mass = less action, which is why I prefer my CRES M1991A1 over the G19 I once had - despite the G19 holding twice as many rounds.)
3) Again, if auto, work on wrist strength. Autos prefer a locked wrist (or at least a very stiff wrist) for effective cycling - the usual result of "limp-wristing" an auto is a stovepipe jam. (Which is easy to clear - it's just an incompleat cycling. You can either just "wipe" the round off of the top and hope that the next round just got held up on the way in, or do the standard "tap/rack/bang" drill - "tap" the magazine back up into the butt, "rack" the slide, and "bang" shoot the bad guys.)
Also note that the more common autos (especially the 1911/1991 series!) can have the recoil spring replaced with springs of varying strength - for instance, I took out the stock (12# or so) recoil spring in my 1991A1 and replaced it with an 18# spring. When throwing 230-gr hardball downrange, I can dump it as fast as my finger can twitch, and it will look like the pistol is just vibrating a bit. Before, I had to slow down considerably due to muzzle flip. (Since "anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice," I like having the follow-up round to land more or less an inch or so away from the first, instead of a foot or so and possibly missing.)
@goodbourbon - probably the very last thing I'd want to be shot with is a .22LR. The bullet is soft and deforms easily, and there have been plenty of documented cases of that bullet ending up nowhere near where it went in, not taking a straight course, andmaking a hairy nuisance of itself all along the way. And, the ammo is cheap and the firearms are usually very easy to handle! You could have trouble getting an effective headshot with a .22, but go for the double body shot and you'll probably end up homogenizing something important in the bad guy...
@kastein - I know what you mean. I've got standard-issue production folders that people are convinced are spring-assisted (although they are not. I don't care for them.) How? When you get it out of the box, it will need some light polishing. Take it to bits, and put some cheap-O toothpaste on the hilt of the knife blade, then reassemble (preferably without the locking mechanism, if you can swing it. You'll still need both liners in place for this, so it may not be doable.)
Pick something you can do for 20-30 minutes without using your hands (usually, sit down and watch a good portion of a decent movie.) Work the knife as far between "folded" and "extended" as you can without having to break rhythm.
After 20-30 minutes of that, take it to bits again and wash with hot water to remove the toothpaste.
Use a quality lube - preferably one that leaves a dry film (I prefer C-L-P,) on the hinge area, and reassemble.
Spend another five minutes or so doing what you did with the toothpaste.
Apply a fresh drop or two of lube to each side of the knife bolster. Work it in (just a few strokes this time) and let it sit overnight.
In the morning, check operation. Adjust the hinge screw until you get desired tension on your knife mechanism (I prefer it just a touch stiff - you don't want it to unfold in your pocket to any degree, but your thumb should be easily able to overcome the resistance of the hinge.)
Wash and re-lube annually, more often as needed.
