Quotes. Meaningful and Funny. Tell us one!

[88 Wagonman]

To cocky employees\coworkers: "About the time you start to think your irreplaceable is about the time when someone is looking for your replacement."

 

[Curtis_H]

"Oh Tommy, for that you sold your everlastin' soul?"...."well I wasn't usin it..."
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?




Though the burden may be great it is the man that carries it who shall receive it's bounty.

 

[kybray44]

"a fat chick is like a moped...there fun to ride until your friends find out"

"failure to prepare is preperation for failure"

 

[gambit4000s]

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

B Franklin

 

[tbburg]

I'm lazy, here's my facebook quotes:

Happiness may never be sensibly pursued as an end in itself, because happiness is the byproduct of achievement. - C. Northcote Parkinson (paraphrase)

"Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice." - Clark's Law

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity, but don't rule out malice." - Heinlein's Razor

It has been said that Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. - Winston Churchill

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life. - Robert A. Heinlein

Where ever you go,... there you are. - Pigkiller, Beyond Thunderdome.

...,"what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." - Principal Max Anderson, Billy Madison

"Time travel: All you want is to slap a hippie. All you get is multiple Kowalskis." - Skipper

Thirteen,.. Wow! I thought dirt was,.. like,... twelve. - Nermal

 

[4WDlifeform]

"Please avoid that sunlight is direct, high temperature, or moist. In order to avoid that go bad. Do not will this product powder suck in lung department in order to avoid that influence health. Suggest will this product thoroughly cook eat."

-Jay Leno Headlines

 

[XJKcali]

You come into this world with only two things that you can truely call your own. Your good name, and your good word. Lose either one and you can never truely get it back. -Me to my children.

 

[tigerchief]

“What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are.”

“No man is free who is not a master of himself.”

Epictetus

 

[urban yan]

"Don't chop wood drunk" -me

 

[MT Mike]

"Prior planning prevents piss poor performance." my D.I. in boot camp (it was 16 years ago, I can't remember his name).

 

[Original_MudButt]

"Don't chop wood drunk" -me

HA HA HA!!!!

When camping, I'm not allowed to play with the axe after 9:00pm for that very reason.....

 

[kastein]

"Don't chop wood drunk" -me

I dunno, I do OK with that... somewhere out there on the internet is a picture of me chopping wood with a beer in one hand and the very end of the handle of an axe in the other, mid-swing.

Other good quotes -
"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" - Cdr. David Farragut (later Adm.)
"You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?" - Rockhound, Mission to Mars/Armageddon

 

[stewie]

after 'no fear' comes aw shit!

 

[Texas Twitch]

WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH! You haven't even bought me dinner yet!

-Me to a City of Plano jailer, who asked me to take off my shirt to take pictures of my tattoos when being booked a few months ago.

 

[Mar]

"Insurance covers everything except what happens."

"If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible."

"Things go right so they can go wrong."

"Rascality has limits,; stupidity has not." (Napoleon's Observation)

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

"It's always hard to notice what isn't there."

"It takes less time to do something right than it takes to explain why you did it wrong."

"Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse."

"Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, administer."

"Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can."

 

[stewie]

having a child is the best form of birth control available

get in the jeep, its too steep to walk!

 

[chris_amrein]

"Better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt."

I never did look into who originally said this, but I'd like to know.

 

[vigman]

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax. - Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

Fish and relatives smell after 3 days. - Benjamin Franklin

 

[kujito]

We do three types of jobs; good, cheap, and fast. You may choose any two.

A good job cheap, won't be fast.
A good job fast, won't be cheap.
A fast job cheap, won't be good.

The decision is yours.

No idea whose it is, but it was posted on the door to our shop (NAS Corpus Christi), and now on my cubicle wall.

 

[Darky]

"Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance." my D.I. in boot camp (it was 16 years ago, I can't remember his name).

Fixed according to my DIs. It was either SSgt Oliveira or SSgt Todd

"Holy s***, you stupid b****" - SSgt Todd in boot camp.