Honestly man, coming from a guy with 7.5" and 35's, I would recommend 33's for 4.5" kit. Since it's your DD and your family car, I would recommend the 4.5" rubicon express super flex kit with full leafs and monotube shocks. I have a buddy with a 4.5" kit on his 99 and he has 33's, with no trimming and stock flares, he says he rubs pretty good. The only problem with 35's is you get the point where you have to re-gear, not that would want to with 33's, some people get by with stock gears. Mainly though is that the D30 CAN hold 35's, but it will be more prone to breaking.
For a DD/weekend wheeler, Rubicon express is the best because of the ride, quality parts, yeah you might pay a little more, but it's worth it.
Oh and in reference to long arms, at 4.5" lift, your gonna sacrifice ground clearance with the belly skid and long arms. I would recommend drop brackets, I've seen some guys get really good flex with the drop brackets.
If I could do my rig all over again, it would be either 4.5" or 5.5" lift and 33's. You can have fun without dropping a bunch of money in your rig and not have to worry about breaking anything.
by the way. Check out the local chapter here;
