40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

bjoehandley

NAXJA Forum User
40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying.

10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-azzed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.


I know some one has more so bring it on share your thoughts about work.
__________________
 
Last edited:
I have actually used #1 and #16 at meetings....
 
My Dad got into an argument with an engineer from another shop. Getting nowhere with the guy my dad says, "Alright, Jake. I hate to do this, but who's your Superior." Jake says, "If you want to talk to my boss, that'd be Bob, but I ain't got no superior!"

My favorite lately is: "If I could deal with life I would be retired by now."
 
#37. Laser pointer. How do I set this laser pointer to stun.

I give presentations from time to time and I've often wondered that myself. I use a Stanley Laser Level when I give a presentation. Much brighter than the standard pocket pointer.
 
The flat out best one liner I ever heard was from a janitor, company I worked for built a paperfeeder for those big laser printers that eat a case o paper every 15 seconds, this puppy would splice, feed, burst and fan fold at the same speed as the printer. The asshat project manager/engineer was demoing it for one of the major banks who were buying 6 of them for their lower manattan data center on the 11th floor, there were like 9 or so customer executives present. He said 'well george, what do you think of this, think YOU could design something this complicated' George was leaning on his broom and said very quietly 'If I'd done the design I'd a made sure it could fit in an elevator instead of using those fancy solid stainless steel 40ft long ladder runners' and he just kept on sweeping... turns out george was a retired engineer and friend of the owners, he'd worked for 30+ years for NASA on the gemini program...he also had an inordinate amount of common sense.. :D :D :D
 
RichP said:
The flat out best one liner I ever heard was from a janitor, company I worked for built a paperfeeder for those big laser printers that eat a case o paper every 15 seconds, this puppy would splice, feed, burst and fan fold at the same speed as the printer. The asshat project manager/engineer was demoing it for one of the major banks who were buying 6 of them for their lower manattan data center on the 11th floor, there were like 9 or so customer executives present. He said 'well george, what do you think of this, think YOU could design something this complicated' George was leaning on his broom and said very quietly 'If I'd done the design I'd a made sure it could fit in an elevator instead of using those fancy solid stainless steel 40ft long ladder runners' and he just kept on sweeping... turns out george was a retired engineer and friend of the owners, he'd worked for 30+ years for NASA on the gemini program...he also had an inordinate amount of common sense.. :D :D :D


Yea I think that would rule...being able to work a basic job again, but knowing that you could run the whole company.
 
were I work I could get away with just about all of them. The cube ones don't apply to me much now but they used to at my old job.
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

41. Seriously, I tried to swerve to keep from hitting that little old lady, but, well, you know....:doh:
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

TRNDRVR said:
41. Seriously, I tried to swerve to keep from hitting that little old lady, but, well, you know....:doh:

lol, somehow I doubt you do much swerving at work, old ladies or not. :D
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

I say pretty much anything I want.
What are they gonna do, fire me for talking too loud and yelling at everyone?
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

Okie Terry said:
I say pretty much anything I want.
What are they gonna do, fire me for talking too loud and yelling at everyone?
only if you talk too loud and yell when your in the room alone.
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

I do that, too.
It's almost as if I have Tourette Syndrome.
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

I find myself biting my tongue several times a day at work. The sad thing is that there aren't many people that have the balls to say something to you if they've been offended...they'd rather just skip a few rungs on the rank ladder.

I've got some of those despair.com pictures and other borderline offensive things hanging in my cubicle...it's pretty obvious what's on my mind :).
 
Re: 41 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK....

Okie Terry said:
What are they gonna do, fire me for talking too loud and yelling at everyone?

You'd be so lucky. :D

Depending on the Co-Worker, and if the fun is mutual, the path taken can be extremely distastefull to other vigin ears :)

I can relate to the fawkin' rung skippers, they piss me off too. Been stabbed so many times in the back my shirt gets wet when I take a drink...Spineless Iceholes....
 
Last edited:
I worked at a Sausage/sandwhich/meat place for about 8 months.
we had a 100% milf come in and ask explicitly
'So, how big are your weiners?"
to which i replied
"1/4 pound on the menu, 1/8 pound on Nate (coworker), and your lookin at a footlong"
to which she replied
"I've ate bigger"

:confused1
 
Back
Top