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Jokes n' stuff

Bdiddy11

NAXJA Forum User
Location
Boise,ID
I always recieve e-mails from a co-worker with jokes, crazy pictures and off the wall topics...







A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her
husband,.....


......" I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Could you give me a compliment? ".


The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".


He never heard the shot..........










WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?

One day a teacher had a taste test with her
students.
She picked a little boy to do the first test. She
blind folded him, put a Hershey Kiss in his mouth
and
asked,
"Do you know what it is?"
"No, I don't," said the little boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your
daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room
yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"







 
I always recieve e-mails from a co-worker with jokes, crazy pictures and off the wall topics...

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her
husband,.....


......" I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Could you give me a compliment? ".

The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

He never heard the shot..........

:roflmao::rof::05of5:
 
Heard this one on the radio the other day:

Viagra shipment hijacked. Police are asking the public to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.
 
jokes some guys sent to me at work:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds. I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

My wife and Iwere sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at adrunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started...

My wife asked me if acertain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started.....

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap.
That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed scared and
naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed into the ground, ran through a thorn bush, and scrambled to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...

I asked my wife,
"Where do you want to go for our anniversary? It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
 
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I said, "No the dress makes your butt look purple. The fact that your fat makes your butt look big."
Then the fight REALLY started,...
 
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A blond gets pulled over by a police woman, who also happens to be a blond.
"License and registration please."
The blond in the car starts digging through her purse. She looks and looks, and gets increasingly agitated as she cannot find her license.
The Officer starts to get irritated as the delay gets longer and longer. Finally, voice dripping with sarcasm,she says,"It's a small rectangle with your face on it."
The blond pulls a small rectangular mirror out of her purse, looks at it for a minute, and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror for a second, looks surprised and hands it back,...
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop. You can go, and try to keep the speed down, OK?
 
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